Not for protein, or fiber, or vegies.
I wanted sugar.
So much that I sat on my kitchen floor in defeat and felt the tears well up.
I felt silly, even at the time. It was just sugar, for crying out loud!
Resolutely I got up, grabbed my trusty celery and natural, no sugar peanut butter.
I pulled my natural, but with sugar peanut butter out, as well, feeling a little guilty.
She hadn't said no, but then again, I hadn't asked her.
I mostly put the good stuff on, but two inches was with the sugar.
Every inch of that treat was enjoyed! Especially the last two. :-)
Then I remembered that I could have things with sugar, but if it tasted sweet, run the other direction.
Oops... I guess that answers my P.B. question.
I can honestly say I didn't remember that until after eating my treat.
Still feeling sorry for myself, despite my crazy dangerous jump off the deep end into the land of desserts... ;-) I remembered that Dustin had told me to read 2 Cor. 4 earlier in the day.
I reluctantly cracked my Bible open.
You see, when I'm having pity parties the Bible usually isn't the best guest to invite. It has an uncanny and extremely predictable way of breaking up my parties. Always, no exceptions. See why I was reluctant? I wanted to hold onto my feelings for a little bit longer.
I opened it through tears of self pity.
Verse 17 and 18 say "For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal."
The first word that grabbed me was momentary. But for a moment. My entire life on earth is but for a moment. Even if I have Cancer for the rest of it, and don't get another bite of sugar, it is but for a moment compared to eternity.
I'm not giving up by any means, but it put my life into perspective. I could live 100 years and it will be but a moment in eternity. Makes me feel a bit small. Makes my affliction seem very light, actually.
I read in the commentary that God is never a debtor to anyone. What suffering we have on earth will be more than made up for when we reach heaven and our eternal rewards there.
Not that it makes the suffering easy, but knowing there is a reward at the end sure helps me out! Nope, never outgrew my excitement about rewards. Hey, If God is telling us about it, I'm going to get as much enjoyment out of looking forward to it as I can. :-)
And the last thing I want to talk about that grabbed me is looking at the unseen, not the seen.
Everything I see now, my cancer, my no sugar, my tiredness, the inconvenience of being sick... they are all passing away. They won't last long.
The important things, my faith in Christ, my family, sharing what God has done for me in first of all saving me from my sins, and second of all being here with me through my sickness every step of the way, are things that will be here forever.
He didn't disappoint me. The pity party was broken up and ended with a time of praise on my part. Praise that I was able to turn to Him when I was hurting. Praise that He encouraged me through His Word. Praise that He was there for me, even if the biggest thing that was bothering me was a silly sugar fix. I'm so glad it doesn't have to be something huge and earth shattering to get His attention.
You would think sugar would be a light affliction, indeed. But people, this is America. The country that is dedicated to sugar! I can't walk five steps without running into something about sugar. Sugar, sugar, sugar! I'm considering a move to a nation that lives on beans and rice for the next 18 months!