Saturday, January 30, 2010

Things you never thought you would say.

I'm disappointed that I don't get to have my colonoscopy on Monday.

Bet you never thought you'd hear me say that. :-)

Mayo called yesterday and said they didn't have something they needed for three of my tests and wouldn't be getting it until the middle of February.

At first I was going to have to go up twice this month, but they kindly worked with me and rescheduled all of my tests for the 15th -17th of Feb.

Waiting is hard, I'm discovering. Even if it is waiting for something you really don't want to do.

Reminds me of waiting to have a baby. :-)

I want to know exactly what we are dealing with, and putting it off for another two weeks seems like an eternity, but....

I'm so glad there is always a but.

"As for God, His way is perfect..."

I'm glad He knows why the two week delay is happening and I'm glad that I can trust Him with the reasons and not worry about it.

Have a happy Saturday. :-)

Friday, January 29, 2010

Another day...

My babies are happily eating carrots and broccoli for breakfast, along with their daily dose of Multi, Vit. C, Gummy Echincia, and Probiotics.

(Oh, and watching the San Francisco Ballet perform the Nutcracker. "Mommy, I'm very attracted to ballet" were Karis' exact words last night.)

See... if they don't get it in their food, I figure at least they are getting a good shot at it in their vitamins. :-) Sometimes toast, a piece of fruit, or a waffle just doesn't quite cut it.

I have to say they are very resourseful. If there is food in the house they will find it, and probably eat it.

I know I should be inforcing the "No food unless mommy gets it for you" rule. However, there are days I don't feel that great and it is a relief to find them snacking on yogurt, an apple, or a bowl of cereal. So... that rule is going to have to wait. :-) They will probably be cooking for themselves by age six at this rate.

You know my trust issue?

I've decided I have one, which surprises me.

I have wonderful parents who I can completely trust.

Growing up with that makes me wonder why I have a trust issue.

Dustin has had to challenge me several times to trust him, and I know he is trustworthy, as well. But still, I want to take control, do it my way, because I don't trust.


It's an issue, and one God is dealing with.

I was crying out to Him the other day, well yesterday, to be exact.

"He who trusts in his own heart is a fool, But whoever walks wisely will be delivered."

Prov. 28:26

I know, you are disappointed it isn't Ps. 18. Don't be, I have one from there, too. :-)

"The Lord is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer; My God, my strength, in whom I will trust;" Ps. 18:2

I think my trust issue stems from the fact that I want to trust in myself, not God.

I don't want to be that fool, so I am praying that He helps me put my trust in Him, and also in the fact that he has given me a wonderful husband to help me make decisions.

Yesterday didn't help matters, at all, and is probably just one more step to push me closer to God.

I had been looking at my schedule for Mayo.

I was supposed to have a MRI and then a Colonoscopy within a few hours.

Only problem was that I couldn't eat anything before the MRI, yet I was supposed to take some of the super yummy cleaner outter you get for a colonoscopy that morning, before my MRI.

I couldn't quite figure that out.

How I was supposed to lie still in an MRI machine for up to an hour when I had the aforesaid super yummy cleaner outter doing it's job and cleaning me out? Do you just squeeze the little red ball and say,

"Umm.... sorry to disturb this delicate process, but I really need to run to the bathroom. And I mean now! Please uncuff me!"

After a few days of wondering how this might work, I finally called.

Guess what?

They had made a mistake. It was impossible.

I know.

It was a little mistake.

Not life threatening, not damaging to me, at least I don't think it was.

But still a mistake.

And you know my state of mind about trusting the medical field at the moment.

So, it just reinforced my decision that God, and God alone, should be my rock and the one I run to for wisdom. I'm am trusting that He will help me and Dustin catch the mistakes that come my way.

I also heard a story from one of my speech students that encouraged me. He said it is true, and I have no reason to doubt him, I just can't give you the source.

A girl was walking down a deserted street at night. She was alone.

She walked past an alley where a bum was sitting against a garbage can.

He didn't move, nor try to hurt her.

Twenty minutes later another girl walked by and was raped by the same man.

Later, at the police station, the first girl (And I'm not sure why she was there) asked the man.

"Why her, why not me?"

His answer,

"You were walking between two huge men. I couldn't get to you."

If it isn't true, it could be, and it gave me chills. Angel stories always do.

God is protecting me in a way I never could and I do believe that.

Unfortunately, most of the time I have to pray like that man in the Bible, "Lord, I believe, help my unbelief."

I'm glad God is patient, and I'm glad He cares enough to send angels to protect us. Makes me feel much safer in my walk through the unknown world of Doctors and hospitals.

A world where I have no idea what is going on.

But He does.

And today I rest in that.

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Lemon juice and chocolate syrup

So it wasn't matches in the hands of my little ones when I ran upstairs after my blog post yesterday.


A small fire might have been an easier clean up.

Picture this.

Gabi in a princess dress, covered in chocolate syrup, two washcloths in her hands, also covered, trying to mop up her guilty mess.

Karis, who should know better, was pouring out the rest of the chocolate syrup onto another washcloth. Of course, why didn't I think of that, cleaning with chocolate syrup. :-) The sweetness we have been missing out on.

The bottle of Lemon juice was empty because it's contents were on my kitchen floor, something my socks discovered as I dashed in to get a wet towel to mop up the chocolate syrup, which led to discovering more chocolate syrup by the sink.

I did discover something. The knot holes in my floor look an awful lot like chocolate syrup.

That is something my toes discovered after I stripped off the my lemon juice socks.

I did my best cleaning it all up.

But.... I have this sneaking suspicion that I will be discovering more gooey messes as time goes on.

Tuesday, January 26, 2010


Circumstances in our lives have brought several things a little more sharply into focus, as you can imagine.

For me, at the moment, it is the lives that depend upon me right now.

Oh, I know they could very well get along without me. Somehow my girls would be raised, and raised very well, but nothing replaces a mommy.

I can't imagine my life right now without my mommy. And I'm 31, going on 32. :-)

This is starting to sound like I'm depressed. I can assure you I'm not, just having to face some thoughts I didn't think I would be facing, you know? I was going through some of our pictures from the past few months.

I love this one. We were in my parents basement playing around with the camera. It isn't the best probably from a photographers point of view, but nothing reminds me more of my job responsibilities then the sight of her little hand in mine. So much trust, dependence, and love.
Today Karis was helping me load the dishwasher and she thanked me.

"For what?" I asked.

"For teaching me to be a lady."

I am so glad that all it takes to teach little girls to be ladies these days is the process of pouring soap into the dishwasher, shutting the soap pocket, closing the door and pushing the little start button. It it were anymore complicated I would be sunk. :-) Just a heads up for you moms with little girls, I guess it is a whole lot easier than we think.

On a more serious note, that conversation reminded me of yet another responsibility a mommy has. I am their role model, and they are depending on me to indeed teach them what it means to be God's little princess and how to conduct themselves in a manner that will indeed be ladylike. Hopefully loading a dishwasher is a step in the right direction. I need every little thing to count at this point.
I know this is a bad picture, but do you ever look at your wedding ring and feel the responsibility and bond it implies? I am one with another person. Everything that happens to me happens to him. This was brought home as we were discussing some of my ups and downs and choice of Doctors. My pain level was not so great that particular day and it was getting to him. I looked up in the middle of our conversation to see tears forming in his eyes. He rarely cries, I've only seen in a few times in our marriage. Of course it made me cry, too. I am blessed to be so loved and try not to take it for granted.

I suppose I have a responsibility to myself, as well, to get the best treatment possible and survive this, but that isn't why I put this picture up.

Do you ever look at a picture and wonder why you don't feel how you look? This was taking just before Christmas so we would have some pictures to choose from for a present my mom wanted. I know I wasn't feeling the best, but you would never know it.

I want to feel like that picture looks. Put together, at least for me, and ready to face life.

That is where the frustration lies, lately. How do I get to that point.

At the moment I don't trust anyone.

Because of how I was brought up, I lean more towards the more naturalistic way of treating things, but that just ain't working out so well, except to keep my pain level down.

I'm also very leery of Doctors in general, because, let's face it, if you look at the facts they don't have the most glowing record with dealing with Cancer. Yes, there are a lot of success stories, but there are more that aren't successful. Hence the reason everyone hates to hear they have cancer. Believe me, I'm not just looking at those "naturalistic" web pages to back up these thoughts. Dustin is very skeptical of anything that isn't in the medical field, so I don't dare. :-) But I wish I were, it would make me feel better then to have places like John Hopkins and the Institute of Medicine backing up my thoughts. It's not exactly comforting to read that you need to check every prescription you take to make sure it is the right one, otherwise you may get something that is almost what you are supposed to have, but could be a letter or two off, just enough to kill you instead of help you. With around 100,000 accidental deaths a year because the prescription is wrong I suppose I should take this seriously.

In general it seems that America is wonderful at the diagnostic process but not so hot with the treatment part. If I knew how to put up some links, I would, so you could see where these warm fuzzy feelings are coming from, but I don't, so I'll have to ask Dustin to help me so you don't think I'm just making up these facts. Sorry to ramble, but this is where my thoughts are at right now.

Thankfully I'm still in the diagnostic process, so I've got time to sort through all my thoughts.

I was in tears the other day with my frustration. Who do I turn to? There is nobody to trust. Not natural, not medical.

I opened my Bible, and again the tears came, but this time with comfort.

"In my distress I called upon the Lord, And cried out to my God; He heard my voice from His temple, And my cry came before Him, even to His ears." Ps. 18:6

What reassurance for me. I only have to trust One. My Lord. That was a personal message to my heart that His ears heard my cry. I wasn't in this alone.

For those of you who are worried I won't get treatment, don't worry. I've come to the conclusion I don't have to do one or the other. I can do both.

Doesn't seem like it would take a rocket scientist to figure that out, but evidently it does because it took me long enough. I can work with both Mayo and the Dr. in St. Louis. I don't have to choose, at least not yet.

And I have confidence the Great Physician will be faithful to direct what treatment I should be taking. Those who ask for wisdom, and search for it, are promised that it will be given. Proverbs 2 I believe. Well, I'm digging away, and holding Him to that promise. Thanks for the continued prayers.

Now, two of my responsibilities are running wild upstairs and I need to get up there before my house burns down. Seriously, Gabi tried to take a box of matches to bed yesterday. :-) I wish I were kidding.

Sunday, January 24, 2010


My baby crawled up on my lap today and counted perfectly to ten. She is talking in complete sentences, asking questions, and generally growing up.

But to me she should still like this.
I know it is a good thing she is growing and learning.
But the mommy in me wants to stop time a little and be able to keep her a baby.

In the same breath I wouldn't trade what I have now.

So grown up and taking care of her own babies.
(i have no idea why this is blue and I don't want to figure it out)
Loves to dress up and dance.
Help mommy with chores.
Sing before she goes to bed.
Asks questions about what is going on.
Eats pickles. As many as you will let her.
Adores being read to.
Throws her arms around you and says, "love you mommy."

Time moves on, and I guess today I'm trying to remind myself that in the midst of it all to treasure my precious little girls and not overlook the everyday moments that just happen. No matter how much you want to freeze time.

Friday, January 22, 2010


Karis and I were having a wonderful snuggle time before she went to sleep last night.

The house was quiet, at last, and I actually took a moment to hold and listen to the thoughts of my four year old.

She is such a chatterbox and the questions she asks.

Right now she is on a heaven fixation. She wants to know in particular how we will get there.

The concept that God can just get us there somehow is not acceptable in her little brain.

I believe yesterday her newest solution was that God would put everyone on a spaceship and shoot us all up there. Spaceship here I come.

Another delima in her mind made me smile and was also very convicting. She came in with a very concerned expression on her face.

"Mom, I'm going to miss all our neighbors when I go to heaven because heaven isn't big enough for all of them."

I assured her that heaven was so big it could hold everyone.

A grin lit up her face.

"Mom, I need to go knock on all their doors and tell them they are going to heaven."

I smiled, but thought, " I need to go knock on those doors and tell them how they can get to heaven." Maybe she and I can do some of that this summer. :-) All these questions has been a great reminder of how real heaven is and that someday we really do get to go there.

But.... that was all a rabbit trail.

Yesterday she was watching a cartoon on Jesus healing the woman who had been sick for so many years. It showed Doctors trying to heal her. No luck until she touched the robe of Jesus.

Karis bounded up the stairs in excitement.

"Mom, Doctors are useless, you need Jesus to heal you."

You have to laugh.

I explained that a lot of times Jesus uses Doctors to heal you, though right now I wish I could bypass them.

Especially when I am reading, from the Institute of Medicine and John Hopkins University reviews that the medical field, not Cancer, not heart attacks, but the Medical field is the leading cause of death in America. And that is just the people they accidently kill, not the ones they mess up for the rest of their lives. Pretty sad stats, I'd say, and the reason I'm not jumping up and down with excitement about putting myself in their hands. But... I will go there another day because right now I want to share the prayer I heard last night.
As I held Karis in my arms, she drew a deep breath (you should hear her prayers, she needs a deep breath)

"Lord, (she calls Him that when she prays. very long and drawn out.) heal mother, and father, and Gabi... (this is said several times) I love you so much Lord. (goes on in this line for a few more phrases and then the grand finale) Lord, please give mom a baby and heal her lung."

She knows we won't have any more babies until I'm better. I'm positive this is her main motivation for my lung to be healed. She wants a brother. And a sister named Daisy.

Don't tell Dustin, but I think I'd like a baby, too.

Not right now. It's too much work and I'm too tired and I have too many tests to go through, but in a couple of years, I think I'd like another little bundle of joy. :-)

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

"It is God who arms me with Strength,

And makes my way perfect."

Ps. 18:32

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

I hadn't heard from Mayo yet, as of this morning.

I was waiting for a phone call from them, after all, they had been so good about calling me to set up an appointment, but my grandma informed me that I shouldn't be doing that. I love my grandma.

"You need to call them. People get lost in the shuffle up there, and you can't wait for them to call you." I wish you could see my tiny little grandma as she said this. When grandma speaks you smile because she is so cute, but then you go and do exactly what she told you to do.

My precious great aunt, my uncle, and several others evidently agreed with her.

So, being the obedient grandaughter that I am, I called. I told you, when grandma speaks...

I hadn't been lost in the shuffle.

Only the return phone call to tell me I hadn't been lost in the shuffle had been lost in the shuffle. :-)

I am to go up there the 1st through the 3rd of February. If I hadn't called I might have missed my super exciting date with that camera.

If not for all the tests, it could be a mini vacation. By God's grace, maybe we can make it into one, anyway.

Although, in my mind vacation means eating lots of really yummy food, you know? Unfortunately with the tests my really yummy food is pretty much a clear liquid diet. Hummm..... I guess with God all things are possible. Even a vacation without food and with lots of needles and cameras. As long as they don't prick my finger too often I will survive!

Saturday, January 16, 2010


The last few days have been great.

The natural stuff I'm doing has kept the pain at bay, and I've had some extra help. I think my cough is even getting slightly better which is such a praise. Keep up those prayers.

Yesterday morning my aunt came over, sent me to bed for a nap, played with my angels, did some laundry, made lunch, cleaned up afterwards, and generally made me smile. As you can tell, she is a great aunt and I love her dearly!

I have been amazed, encouraged, and so humbled by all of you who are praying. Wow, we knew people cared about us, but this is above our expectations. I even discovered that I'm on the prayer list of a chapel that I haven't been to for years. Being a part of the body of believers is a privilege and I'm learning not to take it lightly.

I'm realizing that if I didn't have this blog, I would probably miss out on a lot of those prayers. I tend to be rather quiet, I don't like to share a lot about the problems in my life(which can be a real weakness on my part), but I love to write. Sometimes the quiet, keep it all to myself side, panics a little at the thought of other people reading about what is going on in my life. I have to squelch it and realize those people, generally speaking, love me and want to know. So, thank you again for caring!

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

First off...

Thank you for the encouraging comments. I'm actually feeling quite a bit better about the camera up my bum bit. :-)

I never thought I'd say that.

And I'm so grateful to have people praying!

The knocking you out sounds amazing. I hope they do that to me.

I'm all about that.

Sometimes, when I'm in the midst of labor I secretly wish they still did that. Not just an epidural. The whole nine yards!

I know I might regret not experiencing all the trauma and pain it takes to bring a life into the world, (ha ha) but I'm really going to stress the might.... I could probably be perfectly happy with waking up and finding a brand new little one in my arms.

Not that I would ever do this in real life, but I can wish it, so there!

But that is a rabbit trail.

Last night was hard. I watched an episode of HOUSE, a show Dustin and I watch now and then. It was about a guy who had something in his lung that was causing coughing, and then finally coughing up blood, and then dying. Not that I'm coughing up blood, and not that I'm dying, but it was all too real of what could happen. It was horrible, and I'm not positive I'll be able to watch that show for awhile.

A few other circumstances combined to have me sobbing in my husband's arms, letting the reality of the fact that in all probability I have cancer sink in for the first time. I felt bad for Dustin, but it was needed. I needed to face it and be prepared to fight it.

I was a little down this morning still, but God has never let me face things without His help before, so I turned to my Bible. Not just any Bible. The one I've had since my teens. There is something comforting about a well worn Bible. I finally had to replace it when the cover fell off and the others just don't have the same feel. Not that the contents are any different.

Wow, I'm all about rabbit trails today.

I turned to my current favorite passage. Ps.18, and found a gem.

vs. 29 says, "For by You I can run against a troop. By my God I can leap over a wall."

The past couple of days I have felt like I'm facing troops of discouraging enemies. My cough and the causes have seemed like huge walls in my life that are keeping me from what I think my life should be. Healthy, normal.

I'm so excited that with Him I can RUN, not trudge, not walk, but RUN at the troop I'm facing. With every confidence that He will be with me every step of the way.

And wall, you had better watch out, because I don't even have to climb you, I get to leap! I'm glad God is in charge of the whole leaping business, because I don't even like to run on a good day. Leaping is way beyond my normal capabilities. :-)

It is amazing how one verse can change my entire outlook. I know the path won't be easy.

I know that I will have a lot of not so fun stuff to go through and I will be down and discouraged.

But He is there, helping me through every step, and that is what makes all the difference to me.

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Confusing results

The Dr. from Mayo called with results.

Phone consultations are are horrific and I've decided I hate them.

But, besides that, it is just more, "we aren't positive what we are dealing with and we need more tests."

The tumor in my lung is what they are calling a carcinoid tumor. Two Doctor's have said it is non-cancer. One here, one at Mayo. But it could mutate into cancer.

Oh the other hand, I've read the web -

I know, super dangerous, but I had to, of course. It's right at my fingertips. I couldn't resist.

On those sites they make it sound like a slow growing cancer. I have the typical tumor, which is good, I guess as opposed to the atypical tumor.

In my opinion a tumor is a tumor, and when you throw in the word Cancer, even if I might not have it, well it strikes a little fear.

But... according to my Doctor it is very treatable, with good results.

That didn't really comfort me over the phone. Besides, Dustin wasn't there, I wasn't in the mood to ask a lot of questions right then, I just wanted to get off the phone and digest.

Right now I'm not exactly sure how to feel. Should I be upset or not?

But I know you guys are praying, so I wanted to update you. Even though I'm not sure yet what I'm updating you on. But... on the bright side, now all of you can be confused with me. :-)

Ps. 18:30 and several verses past that have been so encouraging. I keep going back and back and back to them. "As for God, His way is perfect. He is a shield to those who hide behind Him. His arm is strength for those who choose to use it." That is paraphrased, and probably badly, but you get the idea. I don't know about you, but I feel awfully safe hiding behind God when I'm scared, and to know that the strength of the arm of my Creator is at my disposal is a great comfort.

My arms are rather wimpy.

So, the tests.

These I'm not at all that thrilled about.

Well, at least the colonoscopy.

Those are for men over fifty, not me.

I don't know about you, but I never thought I'd get one. Dustin's all sympathy. Though I haven't heard him say he would take my place for this one, like he has everything else, if he could.

Don't blame him.

I can get my blood drawn, pee in a cup, go in a little cylinder for a x-ray, not really cringe when they say they are inserting a needle into my lung, put a camera down my nose and be ok, but a camera up my bum?


You are cringing, too.

There is just something about it that strikes horror in my heart and my brain insists that that is a place no camera should ever have to go.

But the Doctor has spoken - my fate is sealed.

So, if you happen to think of me, pray.

Pray that this won't be as serious as it sounds at the moment.

Pray that the Doctor's will have the wisdom to get to the bottom of it and the correct treatment.

Pray for us as a family, that we will have peace.

And pray that I won't freak out about my date with that poor unlucky camera the first week in February. :-)

Friday, January 8, 2010

As for God, His way is perfect

A few weeks ago I received a package in the mail. I had previously ordered something from the company, and thought there must be a mistake. Did they send me something on accident? More importantly, was I going to have to pay for something I didn't order? I opened it, and saw the very thing I had ordered for someone else. Oh no, did they send me two? I'm a little slow, because then I saw that the words were in a language I couldn't read. Great, they sent this to the wrong person. And then I saw it. Ps.18:30. At least I could read that. I had given the same thing in English to Teresa before she left for Brazil. She was giving me a matching one, but in Portuguese. Yes, I cried. I meant to post this a long time ago so she could see what it looked like, so here it is. Sorry it is a little fuzzy.

It has been such a great reminder for me, especially the last day or so, as we have a lot of decisions to make and uncertainties about my health, but more on that later as I really have nothing more definite to write about yet.

A little late!

I only got one picture of Christmas at Grandma Karen's. After that I dropped my camera and broke it. Which is why there haven't been many pictures, lately.

Karis and Gabi got tons of really nice things. The present pictured above is a dancing Barbie. Both girls were fascinated.
Gabi is helping Grandma Robin open gifts at Grandpa Jim's and Grandma Linda's
What could it be? They were super generous, as always, and I am really excited to go to Pier 1 for my shopping spree. :-)
I'm afraid our home Christmas was a little spars. I threw it together, actually, my sisters helped me throw it together because this year I just wasn't up to much. The girls appeared to be satisfied, however. It doesn't take much to get them excited.
The horse family Karis got. Apparently it is hard to find those big, plastic horses these days. If you know of a spot let me know.

Gabi got this from her Aunt Donna. It is put away at the moment, but both of the girls LOVED it.

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

My adventures at Mayo

Dustin and I made the trek up to Pine Island, a town near Mayo, Sunday afternoon. It is so nice to have relatives near there, and my Aunt and Uncle were so hospitable. They made sure we knew exactly where we were going and gave us a few insider tips that helped out immensely. I, for one, had no idea what to expect.

We left their house 6:03 am.

Yes, it was frigid. -4, I believe. Once it is below zero I think everyone should just stay inside.

No, I didn't have to pack the car and warm it up. I'm so glad I'm the girl. :-)

Their directions and Dustin's navigator were so amazing that we drove directly to the parking garage with not a single wrong turn. Unbelievable.

I knew we had to register and get directions to my appointment. At 6:30 I figured we would be the only ones there.

I was wrong.

By the time we walked in the line had to be at least a hundred people.

6:30 a.m.

That meant they had all been there awhile before us.

How early did these people get up?

And a lot of the women had makeup on.

And their hair done.

Wow, I hadn't even showered. (But I did put mascara on, so there!)

The line moved quickly, though not fast enough for us not to become slightly uncomfortable standing behind a man who was sweating so profusely that his wife had to keep wiping it off of his forehead and neck.

Keep in mind that the rest of us are still in coats and scarves, slightly cold from our frigid ride here.

What kind of disease makes a man in a short sleeved button up sweat in below zero weather?

All I know is I didn't want it and was glad when we parted ways. I do hope the Dr. was able to help him out, though.

We had a little while before needed to make our way up the the 18th floor so we were off to find Dustin a good cup of coffee. I was on orders to fast until after my appointment, but let me tell you, a cup of coffee has never smelled so good - and I don't drink the stuff.

Lines were the order of the day, but I finally got checked in and ushered back to a room.

I loved my Dr. I'd tell you her name but I couldn't pronounce it, let alone spell it. My other Dr. was Dr. Thomas, that i can spell.

One of the disappointments of the day was that the two most important things our hospital could have sent in my records, the pathology report from my lung biopsy, and my blood work, somehow didn't make it in there. I had asked several times to make sure everything was in there, and had attempted to look myself, but obviously I didn't do a very good job. It really does look like a bunch of mumbo jumbo if you aren't a Dr.

So, they couldn't tell me what they thought the tumor was, because they didn't have all the info, but that didn't stop the girl Dr. (man I wish I could remember her name) from asking a lot of questions, giving an examination, and explaining a lot more clearly what she thought might be wrong and why I had the symptoms I do then I have ever had here. I liked my Dr. here, but I felt like these were a step above. And may have new solutions for me. They may not, but at least I know they are up on all the new information that is floating around medically.

They sent me off for a round of tests. All for the next day.

The nurse said to go and try to get them today, but we probably wouldn't have much luck.

I opted out of the breathing test. I failed the first one I took a year and a half ago. Passed the second one a couple of months later. And.... I hate them.

I understand why some people loath them.

Seeing as I still have strained side muscles from coughing, I knew I'd fail again, and have to put myself through a lot of unnecessary coughing and pain just to fail the silly test. So, Dustin stood up for me and said no.

The blood test was an experience.

We walked into the waiting room full of at least 200 people and were sure we would have to wait a couple of hours.

These people are fast.

We watched in fascination as they quickly called names. People went in and came out in about five minutes.

My name was called in less then ten minutes. I walked out five minutes later with a lot less blood and my mind trying to comprehend 800 to 900 people getting their blood drawn in one day. This place is a well oiled machine of really nice people.

The Pet Scan was the same story. I had to wait a little longer, but they still got me in that morning.

I hadn't had any food yet, and I was getting a little crabby. My poor husband.

After getting my sugar water injected, which tasted a little like windex, in my opinion, and makes your bladder fill up fast, I got to take a little nap, get my scan, and was free to go.

We told my Dr.'s office that the tests were complete, they will call when they have results, and we were on our way. Food at last.

The restaurant wasn't the best, but it was nourishment, I wasn't going to perish from hunger. (Yes, I am a spoiled american who doesn't know the meaning of real hunger.)

So all in all we were happy we went. Nothing conclusive, yet, but the hope of maybe some solutions that might be something other than taking part of my lung. But even with that I'm not as worried.

God is good. I'm trusting Him to guide us with what we need to be doing when we get the results.

Sunday, January 3, 2010

I'm headed up to Mayo tonight for my bright and early appointment tomorrow morning. (yes, I'm bringing my walking shoes.)

We are praying for answers. A wonderful one would be a solution to getting the tumor out without taking any of my lung with it.

God knows, though, and His ways are way better than ours.

Anyway, I'm sharing this to say we would covet your prayers for us.

We want to be completely at peace and unified with the decision we make.

Medical decisions are always scary to me.

But.... His strength is always made perfect in weakness, and believe me, I feel weak. His grace is sufficient, and I am clinging to that. And.... His wisdom is there for those who ask.