Wednesday, January 13, 2010

First off...

Thank you for the encouraging comments. I'm actually feeling quite a bit better about the camera up my bum bit. :-)

I never thought I'd say that.

And I'm so grateful to have people praying!

The knocking you out sounds amazing. I hope they do that to me.

I'm all about that.

Sometimes, when I'm in the midst of labor I secretly wish they still did that. Not just an epidural. The whole nine yards!

I know I might regret not experiencing all the trauma and pain it takes to bring a life into the world, (ha ha) but I'm really going to stress the might.... I could probably be perfectly happy with waking up and finding a brand new little one in my arms.

Not that I would ever do this in real life, but I can wish it, so there!

But that is a rabbit trail.

Last night was hard. I watched an episode of HOUSE, a show Dustin and I watch now and then. It was about a guy who had something in his lung that was causing coughing, and then finally coughing up blood, and then dying. Not that I'm coughing up blood, and not that I'm dying, but it was all too real of what could happen. It was horrible, and I'm not positive I'll be able to watch that show for awhile.

A few other circumstances combined to have me sobbing in my husband's arms, letting the reality of the fact that in all probability I have cancer sink in for the first time. I felt bad for Dustin, but it was needed. I needed to face it and be prepared to fight it.

I was a little down this morning still, but God has never let me face things without His help before, so I turned to my Bible. Not just any Bible. The one I've had since my teens. There is something comforting about a well worn Bible. I finally had to replace it when the cover fell off and the others just don't have the same feel. Not that the contents are any different.

Wow, I'm all about rabbit trails today.

I turned to my current favorite passage. Ps.18, and found a gem.

vs. 29 says, "For by You I can run against a troop. By my God I can leap over a wall."

The past couple of days I have felt like I'm facing troops of discouraging enemies. My cough and the causes have seemed like huge walls in my life that are keeping me from what I think my life should be. Healthy, normal.

I'm so excited that with Him I can RUN, not trudge, not walk, but RUN at the troop I'm facing. With every confidence that He will be with me every step of the way.

And wall, you had better watch out, because I don't even have to climb you, I get to leap! I'm glad God is in charge of the whole leaping business, because I don't even like to run on a good day. Leaping is way beyond my normal capabilities. :-)

It is amazing how one verse can change my entire outlook. I know the path won't be easy.

I know that I will have a lot of not so fun stuff to go through and I will be down and discouraged.

But He is there, helping me through every step, and that is what makes all the difference to me.


MommaMindy said...

I love you. Thank you for sharing what the Lord is saying to you through His Word, it helps the rest of us have peace and grace to deal with this as well. I have to keep reminding myself that His ways are not my ways, His ways are higher, because if it were up to me, I wouldn't have you sick. But, since His ways are higher, and I can write epics about what He has spoken to me through my own cancer, I will go back to trusting His higher ways. But, I am still praying for healing, for answers, and for continued peace. Thank Dustin for being there when the rest of us can't be.

Andy and Jennifer said...

I haven't been good about seeing your life through your blog, but we are praying for you! In Mark 4, Jesus calms a storm, but to the disciples, He looked asleep... May He give you peace in Him, even when it feels like He is sleeping during your storm!

jess said...

I like your rabbit trails. They are worth the wandering off.