Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Drugs and Dreams

A couple of mornings ago, very early, I heard a pop, pop, popping.

It went on for an extended period of time, and I remember thinking it sounded like the gunshots you hear from a distance on t.v. programs. (stellar source of knowledge, I know:-)

As soon as these popping noises stopped I heard the squeal of tires as a car rushed off.

My thoughts were this.

Should I go get Karis out of her room? After all, it was in the front of the house, and if our town was experiencing drive by shootings, the front would be where you wouldn't want to be, right?

Also, maybe I should call the police?

In fact, why weren't there sirens already roaring towards us?

Surely someone had been hit by all those shots, windows broken?

Or wait.... was I really awake? Did I dream all of that?

I still don't honestly know, my dreams have been very vivid and reality and dream world are hard to differentiate at times these days.

Like yesterday afternoon I took a nap.

In my dream all of us had gone shopping. My mom, girls, and sisters.

I had bought some cauliflower and put it in the trunk.

It had fallen to the ground before I put it in, so when we got home and I dropped it yet again I was dismayed by the damage - it was very uncauliflower like.

Soft, gooey, utterly useless.

My mom handed me a couple of tomatoes in those cellophane packages.

The package slipped out of my fingers and landed face down.

I bent to retrieve it and was again horrified to find them not only bruised, but smashed, soupy, and again, useless.

My mom, not really frustrated, but disappointed that the tomatoes were ruined said, "Here, I'll hold them."

I started to cry - really cry because I couldn't believe I was dropping things and ruining them.

Then I woke up and found myself sobbing.

The tears were really pouring down my cheeks.

So far I haven't dreamed anything more scary than drive by shootings that only make me vaguely wonder if I need to be hunkering down, odd cauliflower, and smashed tomatoes, but it leaves me wondering what is coming next.

Maybe my mind will adjust to these drugs at some point. :-)

I know my body is so grateful.

Yesterday morning I couldn't take a pill until ten because I had to drive the girls up to my parents and you don't really want me driving while on these things, trust me.

By the time I got there I was achy, grumpy, my shoulder hurt, and generally tight and uncomfortable.

I sorted through the feelings.

Was it any worse than it had been before I started taking these pills.

I had to admit that it wasn't.

Part of me immediately felt guilty.

If I could handle it before why was I needing these pills so much now?

Was I addicted already?

Then I realized that the pain had gone on so long my body had just learned to deal with it.

I was never able to relax, I was exhausted, and yes, I was in a good deal of pain.

Now for a week my body has experienced the sensations of being relaxed, able to sleep, and pain free for several hours a day while the other hours are just mildly uncomfortable.

My body is continuing to tolerate the medication and for this I praise the Lord DAILY! Thank you for the prayers on my behalf.

I loved having an adopted mother of mine call and inform me that she and God had a very stern talk during one of her walks about how I needed a pain medication that worked.

God has been so amazing to give me many prayer warriors that aren't afraid to ask for the hard stuff, even when I give up in those departments.

Loves to all!

1 comment:

Teresa :-) said...

Loves to you too! I'm so so so thankful that you are getting some relief!! PTL!!