Saturday, November 13, 2010

Get behind me!

Last night I stared temptation in the face. (I won't tell you yet who won the battle)

It came in the form of some delightfully ooey gooey Coco Rice Crispy bars.

You see, the last few days have been a bit of a challenge.

I had been feeling so much better besides the sleep issue, but I knew things would eventually catch up to me because they always do.

I haven't been in any intense pain, just more than usual with the lung.

It happens when I'm worn out and, ok, I'll admit it, have too much dairy. :-)

The combination is lethal.

But when I'm worn out, discouraged and in pain, I still want to turn to what has comforted me in the past. Sweets and Chocolate in particular.

When our meal was dropped off, which was fantastic one, I was also handed the above mentioned bars.

Normally it isn't a problem for me. I take the sweets, give the girls a little, and send the rest with Dustin to work.

I put the bars on top of the fridge and set to work fixing the girls plates.

Those bars were stinkers, though. They kept taunting me with their incredible gooeyness.

"Eat me, eat me. You know you want to. It will make you feel so much better. Why not? Is your strict diet really helping you? Just one bar, it won't hurt."

They would not let up, I'm telling you.

I fed the girls, ate my own meal, and still, those blasted bars urged me to take them from the top of the fridge.

I finally did, taking a tiny little single crisp and chewing it.

It was every bit as good as I imagined.

I looked at those four bars, dying to eat every single one of them, and knew what I had to do.

I put on my shoes.

The kitchen garbage wasn't good enough.

Too easy to pull them out later. (Hey, their still wrapped and on a plate. When you are desperate who cares where they have been sitting. :-)

It was cold, windy, raining, but I stalked out through the garage, actually having to say, "Get behind me Satan" as I went, opened our big trash can (Sorry Krista, Just be flattered that the bars looked that good that I had to resort to such extreme measures. Forgive me?) and shook all the bars into the smelly depths.

They were so sticky yummy that I had to work really hard at getting them to fall off.

And then I cried.

Why? I'm not sure. I don't think it was really about those Rice Crispy bars at all.

I think it was because I felt so absolutely foolish and pitiful having to say "Get behind me Satan" to a plate of bars.

Why couldn't I be resisting something big and nobel?

And why do I struggle so much with giving up something that harms me? All for momentary comfort?

Why do I even wonder if it is worth it, when I know it is.

Last night as I got the girls ready for bed I had a precious time watching my Karis discover new words out of the Bible (Her current favorite book to read from), and bath time with Gabi turned into a precious splashing (by me, the girls aren't allowed to, of course:-) and exchanging kisses time. The sparkle in her eye when she realized hugging me was getting me all wet gave me the giggles.

That is why it is worth it.

And that is why I will continually have to say "get behind me Satan" to sugary temptations, no matter how foolish I feel.

Psalm 13:5-6 were a blessing to me today. "But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation. I will sing to the Lord, for he has been good to me."

It's true, He has been so good to me.

And so has Dustin, letting me cry it all out and just holding me. (Poor man, there is no manual out there that tells a guy what to say when comforting a wife who is crying because she had to throw out the Rice Crispy bars:-)


2 comments:

MommaMindy said...

I think Coco Rice Crispy bars are being served at the Marriage Supper of the Lamb, and there will be a chocolate fountain and we can eat as much as we want!

I love you so much and I am sorry for your suffering!

Praying for strength for the day and bright hope for tomorrow.

Rosanne said...

I remember crying my eyes out on the phone with Geoff after leaving the nutritionist's office when I had gestational diabetes. And my diet wasn't nearly as restrictive as yours! At least I could still have fake sugar to take the edge off... and I only had a couple of months of pregnancy left and then all was well. So I can imagine you must get really frustrated sometimes, and be REALLY tempted!! You are a very strong person indeed.