Today I read the passage of Scripture where Jesus walked on water.
Peter decides he wants to do it, too, and finds himself walking towards Jesus when he hears the command.
What would Peter have been thinking at that moment? He is walking on water! Was he just like, "Of course I'm walking on water, with Jesus around you can do anything," or "Woo Hoo! I'm walking on water," or "Hokey Chicken, what have I gotten myself into?"
I think it may have been all of the above because he does great for a little bit, then he thinks the last one, and yes, he said "Hokey Chicken," looks down and sees water, not solid ground beneath his feet, the waves are choppy, it's windy...
As soon as he takes his eyes off Jesus, he feels his humanness and starts to sink.
I also read, not in the Bible, of course, that race car drivers are told to keep their eyes off the wall if they go into a slide or spin. I'm not a car racing fan, personally, but it makes sense.
If they look at the wall then they pretty much seal their fate. They will crash into it. I don't know why, some irresistible force draws them there.
Kind of like Peter and the water.
And me and my tumor.
If I take my eyes off Jesus, things can look pretty dark.
I start to sink into a pool of self-pity.
This week I've had to look extra hard at Him.
On Thursday I was having a great day. One of those days I would never have known I was even sick, 'cept for feeling slightly tired by afternoon.
I sat down, was warm, and then, out of nowhere, I wasn't even coughing, my back muscles spased out on me.
I have NEVER had back problems. NEVER.
Of course everything I could imagine popped into my head.
Had my cancer moved to my spine? For every new pain my mind jumps there.
After a few hours of agony, my dad came home and quickly dispelled my theories.
I am super out of shape. Sad.
My muscles have atrophied, and evidently there is a weakness in my family where if you let that happen you suffer.
My dad gave me some exercises, I popped some pain pills, and all was well.
But it was a challenge to keep my eyes on Jesus.
Last night sleep was thrown out the window in favor of being a mommy to my sick little Gabi. Instead of resting, I caught throw up, some in the face, and comforted my baby. It was a precious time, but a sleepless time, and that hurts me just a bit these days.
Again, as I lay there, it was a challenge to keep my eyes in the right place.
So... reading this passage.
Knowing that Jesus can help me walk, even if the water is stormy, is helping me take the focus off me, and remember what really matters.