Monday, April 19, 2010

My Last Resort.

I know some of you think I'm crazy, and that's ok. :-) I can handle it.


I've always felt that the medical field was my last resort.

If the nutrition, etc. didn't work, well... I could go to the doctors and maybe get fixed.

Today I had my first oncology visit.

Here is my charming little companion. She kept the atmosphere light. Not too much time to consider why I was sitting in that particular waiting room.

After a bit of a wait, we got called back.

I met my Dr. and really liked him. He was laid back, no pressure.... but maybe that was because there was nothing to pressure me about.

He asked what questions I had.

I jumped right in and asked exactly what I have. I know, carcinoid, but what is carcinoid?

I just needed a doctor to tell me straight out that it is cancer.

He obliged me. It's cancer.

Ok, now that that was out of the way, I wanted to hear how to treat it.

He went through the detailed explanation about what I had.

I was horrified that I actually understood most of what he was talking about.

My brain rebelled, yet again. I didn't want to understand when he was talking about a tumor in my lung.

We had to take a brief time out while I took my beautiful companion to the bathroom after she informed me she couldn't hold it any longer.

Dr. Lair was very understanding. Not even minding the Tinkerbell stickers and the brief interruptions to tell me something.

Back to my tumor.

A tumor that is cancer.

A tumor that apparently right now in our medical system is untreatable.

Woosh.... just like that my last resort was swept out from under me.

Chemo? Not very effective, at all, for this type of tumor.

Radiation? Nope. Can't remember why, but it isn't going to help, unless it is to whittle away at the one that may be causing my cough.

Surgery? Well, the goal of surgery is to get rid of EVERYTHING that may be carcinoid.
You see, there are a couple of nodules in my lung that may or may not be carcinoid, but... they are apparently in a place that is unable to be gotten to unless you remove both my lungs.

Since I can't walk around, alive, without at least one of my lungs, well.... surgery is out.

My option?

A shot of Octreotide once a month that at the moment may give me at least 15 more years. That's the minimum. I think. My brain has a lot of facts going on around in it. No real side effects, he thinks. Most of the people who use it are older. But it doesn't do anything to shrink it, either. Just maintain.

But, once again the only problem is that the patient he is currently using it on with good results is in his 80's. Like I said. Older.

Being in your 80's and on the shot is a lot different than being 32!

There are some clinical studies that he is checking into.

He is in contact with Mayo, any new information they have he will get, and they are a sounding board.

He is consulting the cancer board, whoever they are.

He is trying to find options everywhere, but there just aren't any at the moment.

I wasn't expecting to hear that.

I was expecting to have him telling me to jump right into chemo or radiation.

But to have something that needs a clinical study?

That scares me a little, I'll admit.

Ok, at the moment, a lot.

I don't want to be a clinical study.

Only people with really nasty stuff are clinical studies, right?

I want to get this thing over with.

Now that the medical field says there is not much they can do, I want them to tell me they can get rid of it in a few months if I would just do chemo.

Why do we always want what we can't have?

While my last resort, medically speaking, was taken away, I'm grateful my "everything resort" is still solid.

God is in this.

He knows the answers even if I don't.

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your OWN (or the doctors) understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your paths." Prov. 3:5-6

I love this verse.

God is certainly asking me to trust Him and Him only in this situation.

I am telling myself that this is the best place to be.

It will take some reminding and lots of prayer.

And now I have extra motivation to discover an alternative. It's a good thing God is promising to direct my path. I'm holding Him to that!

On the lighter side, we had a great dentists appointment. I love our new dentist! Better yet, Karis loves the dentist!

Here is my little delight! They love her at this office. I know I'm prejudiced, but I think she is pretty special, too!
They give these cute little sunglasses while they work on their teeth. She looked like she was going to have a day at the beach. I got a lot of smiles, and it made me realize how very much I want to fight this tumor and win. I have so very, very much to live for!


RevKev said...

Rebecca, thank you for sharing so openly and honestly a report of what you are facing. I too can fight on your behalf by praying for you. "I will lift my eyes to the hills-from whence comes my help? My help comes from the LORD, who made heaven and earth." Kevin Thomas

Amy@My Front Porch said...

Praying for you Rebecca! Thanks for keeping this updated, it helps me know specifically how to pray!

heartmomma said...

Thanks for the update Becca. I have never gotten used to those kinds of doctor visits. No matter how many times you hear the "c" word, it's like a punch in the gut. Realizing that the very people that are supposed to understand how your body works and give you some answers actually don't have a a hard pill to swallow. Can you imagine not knowing the One who formed you, who knows you inside and out? "Therefore my heart is glad, and my glory rejoices; My flesh also will REST in HOPE" (PS 16:9). God gave me that verse some time ago and I love it. "The Lord sat enthroned at the Flood, and the Lord sits as King forever. The Lord will give strength to His people; The Lord will bless His people with peace" (PS. 29:10-11). God is not shaken and He still reigns. I hope you find strength in His promises tonight.

I also read that quote about "borrowed smiles" while sitting in an oncology waiting room. Thanks for reminding me of it.

Love ya, and there are prayers coming from down the street :)

Jessica J.

MommaMindy said...

I thought chemo was bad news and I knew you were dreading that, but not even having any options puts us all in the same place - on our knees.

May the Lord grant you wisdom and strength as you continue to seach for an alternative way to shrink that nasty little tumor.

I am praying, dear little sister, and trying to be strong through my tears and my lack of understanding His ways.

Thank you for the pics of your Karis. What a great ending for the hard news. We needed to see her smile and to know that life has to go on.

Much love to you.

Rosanne said...

Praying for you... Wish I could be there to give you a hug. :)

Mandolin said...


jess said...

Batman loves Robin very much tonight. And I think you should hing a hong too.