still alive

I'm sure ya'll really weren't worried, but just to let you know...

My lack of communication on here isn't because I feel awful.

On the contrary, I've felt better than I have in a long time.

I've had energy to do laundry, play-dates, etc.

It's kept me too busy to blog. :-)

Also, last weekend was my sister's recital. I'll post some pictures of that later. But that meant that all my sisters were here, which was a wonderful time.

This weekend we are going out to Chicago to visit Abby. Hopefully we can check out the zoo and a few other options. :-)

Anyway, if you think of me, pray that this energy I have lasts. That it is a sign my diet, etc is starting to work.

And if I have another crash, that God gives me the strength to deal with that, as well. Sometimes I feel like Dustin and I are watching me like a time bomb ready to go off at any minute. We are so happy I feel good, but always in the back of our minds we wonder how long it will last.

We are both in the slow process of learning to trust, no matter what.

Have a great rest of the week and weekend! I'll try to post some pictures of my beautiful sisters on Monday.

Another Scream

On Tuesday I cleaned my bathroom. This alone should tell you I am getting a little energy back.


FYI, I am also doing two loads of laundry this morning, so, this, as well is encouraging.


Anyway, back to my bathroom.


We have a tiny bathroom, something I always am a little ungrateful about, to my shame, except when it comes time to clean it.


Dustin has been cleaning it in his spare time, which is hardly any, but I knew it needed a woman's touch.


I pulled out my trusty cleaner and cloth....Jess, don't look too close at the cloth or you might see that it is indeed your nicely monogrammed gift you gave me a couple of years ago. It got a stain on it...a stain which I didn't get out in time, and is now relegated to the bathroom rags. Sorry. But I do still think of you, just not when I'm washing my hands - more often it is when I clean the toilet. :-)


Anyway, I finished the sink and moved on to the rather crusty toilet. I reached the part between the tank and the toilet lid.

You know the hard to clean part that always collects hairs, specks, and whatever else might be floating around in your bathroom?


At least mine does.


And this particular spot got missed in the last cleaning, I do believe.


I spray away.


Then I spray away again.


It was pretty gross.


And then I dug in and was making some headway when a huge, fast, black object scurried up on my hand and was making for my sleeve.


This is where the scream came in.


It was me this time, and I rarely scream.


The girls came running just in time to see the cockroach make a kerplunk on the bathroom floor.


I'm sure it was stunned by having its home invaded and its unexpected flight through the air.


I ran for Dustin's shoe and the cockroach is no more. I'd say take a moment of silence, but I really feel no regret over his demise.


I knew my bathroom needed a cleaning, but I assure you, scouts honor, it was not dirty enough to have a cockroach.


We have had one or two of these bugs over the years.


Enough that when I went to Earl May a couple of years ago I asked if it was possible to get cockroaches randomly or if I had a cleaning problem.


I was worried.


I know I'm not the neatest, nor the pickiest person in the world as far as cleaning details... but cockroaches?


The man smiled and assured me that there are cockroaches that fly into your house and I didn't need to worry.


Whew....


Still.... I'm determined to keep that bathroom just a little bit cleaner.


And poor Karis.


She is fine during the day.


But I've been woken up twice in the night just to make sure the cockroach doesn't get her when she goes potty.


Poor girl, first snakes, now roaches.


I'm almost afraid to find out what will be next.


I'm praying it isn't a huge spider.


Snakes and roaches I can handle with tolerable ease, but spiders? Big ones?


No thanks!

A Walk Through the Hundred Acre Woods...

The last couple of days have been a little rough emotionally.


It is true when they say a good portion of the battle against disease is in the mind.


Tuesday was an Eeyore/Piglet/Rabbit day.


For example, and you need to read the next phrases in an Eeyore voice.


I'm serious. :-)


"If the doctors can't help me, nobody can help me."


"What I'm doing now is probably useless."


"The tumor is just going to keep growing and growing."


"If it doesn't keep growing and growing, the best case scenario is that I will feel like this for the next fifteen years."


See? Eeyore.


But I'd switch back and forth between all of them several times a day.


Now go to Rabbit. Worry, worry, worry.


" I know I'm doing things to attack this thing, but what if I'm taking them wrong? In the wrong order? Eating something wrong? Is it going to throw it all off?"


"If I only have, worst case scenario 15 years, I won't even see Gabi graduate."


"What if I never feel better than right now? Do I really have to live with that the rest of my life?"


And then, of course, Piglet, who is terrified of everything. :-)


"I..I... th-th-think I h-ha-have an un-un-untreatable tumor. N-n-nobody will be able to hel-hel-help me.... Oh dear."




Yes, it's been a tad rough around here, and I've needed Dustin and my mom to pull me out of my little pity party.


Thank you, thank you, thank you for those of you who sent encouraging words and verses. And for those of you who have been thinking of me and praying.


Everything has helped me/us through this new speed bump in our lives.


I kept thinking of the verse, "I will lift up mine eyes to the hills, from whence comes my help? My help comes from the Lord who made heaven and earth." Thanks Pastor Kevin.


Granted, my eyes kept going back to the valley, but every once in awhile that verse would remind me that I wasn't trusting in any doctors, be they traditional or non-traditional.


I'm trusting in the Lord.


So... God is helping me to focus on the important things.


Like the fact that I'm not getting worse, I'm getting a little more energy. :-)


My wheeze is still mostly gone. :-)


I have the everyday little things to delight in.








Oops, this was supposed to be of Karis, but anyway, Gabi is loving the park.
Watching them enjoy Daddy time is always a delight.
Painting your toenails for the first time each season always makes me smile.

It also made me feel sorry for guys.

After all, if I need a little perking up, I can paint my toenails or put on some makeup.

What do they do?

I really should ask Dustin.
Being reminded by my bracelet that God knows what He is doing is also a perk. And the sunshine that allowed us to enjoy the park was amazing.

God is good. He is what He says. Faithful, no matter what is going on in your life.

My Last Resort.

I know some of you think I'm crazy, and that's ok. :-) I can handle it.


But....


I've always felt that the medical field was my last resort.


If the nutrition, etc. didn't work, well... I could go to the doctors and maybe get fixed.


Today I had my first oncology visit.




Here is my charming little companion. She kept the atmosphere light. Not too much time to consider why I was sitting in that particular waiting room.

After a bit of a wait, we got called back.


I met my Dr. and really liked him. He was laid back, no pressure.... but maybe that was because there was nothing to pressure me about.


He asked what questions I had.


I jumped right in and asked exactly what I have. I know, carcinoid, but what is carcinoid?


I just needed a doctor to tell me straight out that it is cancer.


He obliged me. It's cancer.


Ok, now that that was out of the way, I wanted to hear how to treat it.


He went through the detailed explanation about what I had.


I was horrified that I actually understood most of what he was talking about.


My brain rebelled, yet again. I didn't want to understand when he was talking about a tumor in my lung.


We had to take a brief time out while I took my beautiful companion to the bathroom after she informed me she couldn't hold it any longer.


Dr. Lair was very understanding. Not even minding the Tinkerbell stickers and the brief interruptions to tell me something.


Back to my tumor.


A tumor that is cancer.


A tumor that apparently right now in our medical system is untreatable.


Woosh.... just like that my last resort was swept out from under me.


Chemo? Not very effective, at all, for this type of tumor.


Radiation? Nope. Can't remember why, but it isn't going to help, unless it is to whittle away at the one that may be causing my cough.


Surgery? Well, the goal of surgery is to get rid of EVERYTHING that may be carcinoid.
You see, there are a couple of nodules in my lung that may or may not be carcinoid, but... they are apparently in a place that is unable to be gotten to unless you remove both my lungs.


Since I can't walk around, alive, without at least one of my lungs, well.... surgery is out.


My option?


A shot of Octreotide once a month that at the moment may give me at least 15 more years. That's the minimum. I think. My brain has a lot of facts going on around in it. No real side effects, he thinks. Most of the people who use it are older. But it doesn't do anything to shrink it, either. Just maintain.


But, once again the only problem is that the patient he is currently using it on with good results is in his 80's. Like I said. Older.


Being in your 80's and on the shot is a lot different than being 32!


There are some clinical studies that he is checking into.


He is in contact with Mayo, any new information they have he will get, and they are a sounding board.


He is consulting the cancer board, whoever they are.


He is trying to find options everywhere, but there just aren't any at the moment.


I wasn't expecting to hear that.


I was expecting to have him telling me to jump right into chemo or radiation.


But to have something that needs a clinical study?


That scares me a little, I'll admit.


Ok, at the moment, a lot.


I don't want to be a clinical study.


Only people with really nasty stuff are clinical studies, right?


I want to get this thing over with.


Now that the medical field says there is not much they can do, I want them to tell me they can get rid of it in a few months if I would just do chemo.


Why do we always want what we can't have?


While my last resort, medically speaking, was taken away, I'm grateful my "everything resort" is still solid.


God is in this.


He knows the answers even if I don't.


"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your OWN (or the doctors) understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your paths." Prov. 3:5-6


I love this verse.


God is certainly asking me to trust Him and Him only in this situation.


I am telling myself that this is the best place to be.


It will take some reminding and lots of prayer.


And now I have extra motivation to discover an alternative. It's a good thing God is promising to direct my path. I'm holding Him to that!


On the lighter side, we had a great dentists appointment. I love our new dentist! Better yet, Karis loves the dentist!



Here is my little delight! They love her at this office. I know I'm prejudiced, but I think she is pretty special, too!
They give these cute little sunglasses while they work on their teeth. She looked like she was going to have a day at the beach. I got a lot of smiles, and it made me realize how very much I want to fight this tumor and win. I have so very, very much to live for!

Health Update

I haven't written much about my health because there really isn't much to report.

The diet is going fine.

I'm still the same.

Maybe a little more energy, but that's about it.

The new news is that I have my first oncology appointment on Monday.

His name is Dr. Bradly Lair.

He is with Medical Oncology and Hematology Association.

I haven't looked up what hematology is yet. I probably should know, but I'm rebelling.

I don't like the fact that I even have to go see an oncologist.

And I don't want to add another long medical word to my list of knowledge because it relates to me.

Not the best attitude, I know, but it is how I'm feeling at the moment.

I'm just tired.

Tired of more appointments.

Tired of having to fit an oncology appointment in before a dentist appointment for my daughter.

It just seems wrong. Dentists appointments are so normal.

Oncology ones aren't.

But.... right now I need to go and get an attitude check.

Hopefully, I can find one of those borrowed smiles.

God doesn't promise us an easy life, but He does promise to walk with us through everything. Even oncology appointments followed by the dentist.

I needed to write that down to remind myself. It's easy to forget in the midst of life.

It really did help. :-)

Hing a Hong

If you say that real fast out loud it sounds like you are speaking Chinese.


Really.


Try it.


Hing a Hong. Hing a Hong.


See?


Don't you almost feel like you should steeple your hands together, look at the person in front of you respectfully, and then do a quick bow?


I do.


Gabi said this phrase over and over to my poor mom as she tried to put her to bed.


"Go to sleep, Gabi."


"Hing a Hong, G'ma." And then she would bow.....j.k.:-)


After this phrase was repeated several times, my mom figured it out.


Gabi wanted her to Sing a Song.


So she sang a song.


Our little munchkin can't fall asleep until we Hing a Hong to her. I hope this lasts for a long time!


Including the pronunciation.


Not being able to say the sssss sound gives us a lot of laughs around here.


Especially when she asks for a piece of Hellery. :-)

A scream,

a rather bloodcurlitng one at that came from my parent's backyard.

Karis stood frozen, barefoot, smack dab in the middle of it.

My sister rushed out to her, carrying her inside.

By this time the screams were gone, and the tears had started.

I pulled her into my arms and asked her what had happened as there was no blood, her limbs appeared to be not broken anywhere, and she was all in one piece.

"I ste....I stepped....I stepped on a snake, Mommy!" More terrified tears.

"I stepped on a snake and it tickled my ankle!"

After alot of sympathy from everyone and several hundreds of kisses, the smiles started to appear.

All of a sudden it didn't seem quite so terrifying.

In fact, it became the story of the year.

Even calling Daddy on the phone to tell him of her adventure.

Today I'm just praying that anymore unsuspecting snakes stay out of her way so that her current fear of walking on grass has a chance to go away!!

I Cheated!!

Teresa, my far away friend in Brazil, was so excited to hear this that I figured I had probably better share it with the rest of you. :-)



It's true.



I ate something that is forbidden by my nutritionist.



I had a frozen strawberry.



Then the next day, one more.



And.... I had a left over half slice of toast with butter and jelly.



Natural, no sugar jelly, but jelly, nonetheless.

I felt almost as guilty as if I had had a Snickers Blizzard, which I love, by the way, and I did enjoy every bite.

But, I'm back on the wagon.

I only smelled the strawberries yesterday.

Aren't you proud of me?

It's hard, I'll admit. But I'm praying the end result will be worth it.

With God all things are possible. Even living without cheese for 18 months. :-)

There are some Jonah days, days where everything seems to be going wrong.

Yesterday was one of them.

My bruised ribs were hurting.

An earache on my right side had kept me up a bit in the night.

I was tired.

I had to continually remind myself to keep my eyes on the Savior so I didn't sink!

But then there are days, like today, that are good, no, more than good, great.

I feel great, I have hope I'm going to beat this thing, and eating beans isn't so very bad.

Thanks for the continued prayers.

A typical day on the farm...

Karis diligently helping dip the Kringla dough. At one point both my mom and Noelle were busy by the stove, leaving Karis alone with the balls and flour.

She looked up, saying, "Where did my helpers go?"
Attis gets a much needed trim and enjoys every minute of it.
This is a back yard my girls LOVE! Much of their excess energy gets burned here.
A short field trip to a near by creek, a.k.a. a field drainage ditch, but we prefer creek, made the girls' day, and Mommy a little nervous as they got close to the edge.
My model.
She would have jumped right off the edge if we had let her.

Exploring.

Auntie Faith lends a hand and makes their toe nails pretty and pink. Don't you just love baby feet?
Helping Grandma roll out Pizza Dough.
Auntie Faith is getting ready for her recital. It was beautiful. If you want more details just send me a message on Facebook. :-)
This is my flower girl. She loves, loves, loves flowers. I thought this spring I might be able to help her plant a flower pot on our front porch, but I think it will have to wait this next year. She is finding plenty of dandelions and violets.

Precious.

I am so grateful my mom has made her home open to us. It helps so much that we can go there. The girls lives consist of something other than just watching t.v. or surviving on their own.

Thanks, Mom!

Walking On Water

Today I read the passage of Scripture where Jesus walked on water.


Peter decides he wants to do it, too, and finds himself walking towards Jesus when he hears the command.


What would Peter have been thinking at that moment? He is walking on water! Was he just like, "Of course I'm walking on water, with Jesus around you can do anything," or "Woo Hoo! I'm walking on water," or "Hokey Chicken, what have I gotten myself into?"


I think it may have been all of the above because he does great for a little bit, then he thinks the last one, and yes, he said "Hokey Chicken," looks down and sees water, not solid ground beneath his feet, the waves are choppy, it's windy...


As soon as he takes his eyes off Jesus, he feels his humanness and starts to sink.


I also read, not in the Bible, of course, that race car drivers are told to keep their eyes off the wall if they go into a slide or spin. I'm not a car racing fan, personally, but it makes sense.


If they look at the wall then they pretty much seal their fate. They will crash into it. I don't know why, some irresistible force draws them there.


Kind of like Peter and the water.


And me and my tumor.

If I take my eyes off Jesus, things can look pretty dark.

I start to sink into a pool of self-pity.

This week I've had to look extra hard at Him.

On Thursday I was having a great day. One of those days I would never have known I was even sick, 'cept for feeling slightly tired by afternoon.

I sat down, was warm, and then, out of nowhere, I wasn't even coughing, my back muscles spased out on me.

I have NEVER had back problems. NEVER.

Of course everything I could imagine popped into my head.

Had my cancer moved to my spine? For every new pain my mind jumps there.

After a few hours of agony, my dad came home and quickly dispelled my theories.

My problem?

I am super out of shape. Sad.

My muscles have atrophied, and evidently there is a weakness in my family where if you let that happen you suffer.

My dad gave me some exercises, I popped some pain pills, and all was well.

But it was a challenge to keep my eyes on Jesus.

Last night sleep was thrown out the window in favor of being a mommy to my sick little Gabi. Instead of resting, I caught throw up, some in the face, and comforted my baby. It was a precious time, but a sleepless time, and that hurts me just a bit these days.

Again, as I lay there, it was a challenge to keep my eyes in the right place.

So... reading this passage.

Knowing that Jesus can help me walk, even if the water is stormy, is helping me take the focus off me, and remember what really matters.

Mom?

"Yes Karis?"

"Mom, I am so impressed with my thumbsucker." Said very earnestly.

"Why is that?"

"IT is so stylish..."

"Does it do anything else?" I asked.

"Yes, and it helps me stop sucking my thumb."

This was obviously secondary to the stylishness. :-)

Day three and it is still working. She currently has the gloves on both hands. I asked her if she wanted the right one off as she doesn't need it during the day.

"No." Very decidedly.

Now I'm wondering if I will have a new problem on my hands. :-)

I'm guessing telling her she can't wear them to Chuck E Cheese will do the trick. :-)

Thanks, Rosanne, for telling me about their "Done with the thumb" chart. She loves it!

More Karis Funnies

We were on our daily trek up to the farm on Wednesday.

Out of the backseat I hear,

"I have a hypothesis, mom."

First of all, it was too early in the morning to be talking about hypotheses.

Second, while I thought it meant theory, I couldn't quite remember, so I felt once again that my four year old was getting the better of me.

I bit, anyway, and asked.

"What is your hypothesis, Karis?"

"My hypothesis, mom , is that you have germs in your lung and that is why you have a tumor."

Just because I know it's been as long for most of you as it has for me in dealing with hypotheses, here is the definition.

A hypothesis (from Greek ὑπόθεσις; plural hypotheses) is a proposed explanation for an observable phenomenon.

And now, thanks to my four year old, I can type hypothesis in both the plural and singular form.

Last night my mom told me she was asking Karis if she would help them make Kringla cookies for Faith's graduation recital.

On Wednesday she had dipped over 100 cookie dough balls in flour for her Auntie Ellie.

That is a lot for a four year old.

After my mom's question she thought for awhile.

And thought some more.

And then, just for good measure, a little more.

She thought for so long that my mom was sure she was going to say "no way."

Instead, with much emphasis, she said,

"You can count me in!"

ooooo.... I hope I have a baker on my hands!

The Thumbsucker

Karis wouldn't suck on anything for the first four months of her life.

I tried,

and tried,

and tried some more to get her to take a pacifier.

She would have none of it.

By the time she hit four months I figured I was home free.

And then.....she found her thumb.

And then I tried,

and tried,

and tried to get her to take it out of her mouth.

No luck, and finally I gave up because it was nice to have something that was attached that pacified her.

At one it is adorable.

At two, it's still cute, but...

At three... well....it's time to get her to stop, and are her teeth starting to stick out?

At four, it is more than time to be done. And her teeth are definitely sticking out a little.

Plus, a friend told how her little girl played on the farm, stuck her fingers in her mouth, and got worms. Over and over again.

Uggg!!!

We will be on the farm a lot this summer.

I don't want to deal with worms.

Talking to my precious little one did nothing.

Karis does everything with gusto, including sucking her thumb.

I think I've let it go on as long as I have because I've been sick. It is a stable part of her life, and one I didn't want to disrupt along with everything else.

Her teeth did need rescued, though. So I went on the Internet.

What did we do before the Internet?

There was a plastic contraption that covered the thumb, but I wasn't too impressed by the reviews.

It chafed the hand, saliva got stuck in there and dripped out.... can we say gross? And some children still sucked on it and got out of it. It just sounded cruel.

Plus, Karis is an escape artist as well as has sensitive skin.

I moved on.

That is when I discovered the Handaid, or thumbsucker, as Karis calls it.

It said it was made of soft material, custom fit for the child's hand, non irritating, and guaranteed to work. The only times they haven't had it work was if the parent gave into the pleading cries of their child to take it off.

So I bought it - even though it had a hefty price tag. After all, dental work isn't cheap, so this was actually a bargain compared to that. And getting worms is disgusting.

We waited eagerly for it to come in the mail. Karis included.

She would ask daily if her thumbsucker was here.

When it finally came, I was the one who told her she had to wait to put on until morning.

I didn't want to deal with bedtime and no pacifier. :-) Yes, I'm a wimp, I'll admit it.

That morning there was no putting it off.

Karis brought it to me and held out her hand.

The glove is so easy to put on it didn't even come with instructions.

See?

If the ends didn't stick out a little it is actually quite stylish. Kind of reminds me of a Michael Jackson look going on, you know? The whole one hand glove thing.
And see the Velcro on the thumb part? Genius! I was wondering what would stop her from just sucking on the fabric - which is super soft and super comfortable and super light - and I found out just minutes after she had it on.

She put her mouth over her thumb.

"Uh, oh," I thought. "I'm going to have the one child it doesn't work for."

"Ow... mom this hurts my lips." Karis said as she pulled her thumb out.

See? Genius! I could kiss whoever thought of the Velcro.

Yesterday we had a few times it was a little rough, but nothing I couldn't soothe her out of with the reminder that when the habit is broken we are going to Chuck E Cheese.

She did have to wear the second one they sent along to bed because the other thumb almost made it into her mouth. But she fell asleep quickly, no problems, and slept all night.

It doesn't get in the way of anything she does, and she forgets she has it on most of the time.

And..... I can guarantee that a child can't get out of it.

Believe me, if there were a way, she would have found it by now.

I know it's only the second day, but if were to give it a product review it would get five stars.

Easter 2010

My little princesses. The dresses are from Noelle's wedding. Thankfully I didn't have to go shopping for the perfect dress this year. We did have to go on a frantic hunt for Karis' shoes, however. They weren't where they were supposed to be. :-)

Awww....

I would like you to notice that my hair is done, I am dressed up, not that you can tell, and I have makeup on. :-)

Classic

Trying to decide what to do next. Where do you start?
Gabi had no such problems. She would open an egg and eat the contents. Problem solved.
The girls adore wearing dresses, so we got three little cotton dresses for each of them and put them in the hunt. They will be wearing these daily this summer, I predict, and they will be constantly covered in mud. I don't know how I got such girly tomboys.
Abby came home to visit for the weekend. She brought her roommate, Lorainna, who was a very precious addition to our family. Isn't my grandma cute?
Karis modeling one of her new dresses. Enjoy it in it's clean state!
Couldn't you just eat him up? This is what makes me want another baby at some point. For now I will have to content myself with Kalvyn. I'll have to admit, it is nice to hold him, snuggle him, and then give him back to Noelle for all the responsibility part. :-)

Borrowed Smiles

This title intrigued me as I was flipping through a new to me devotional by Joni Erickson Tada.

I know it isn't always a familiar story, so here is a very brief version.

Joni lived a perfectly normal life until at 17 she was swimming in a lake and made a miscaculation while diving.

That miscalculation made her a quadraplegic.

I can't even imagine what her life must be like.

If you want to know more, just google her and I'll bet you can buy her story for about a dollar on Amazon. :-)

A friend was telling me that when you are going through a trial you can either look up the rung of the ladder and find someone who is suffering more, or down the rung to someone who is suffering less.

At this point I'm needing to look up, and Joni is definitely up.

I read what she had written under Borrowed Smiles.

It seems a woman asked her how she could look so put together, happy, and have a smile on her face all the time. What was her secret?

She was very honest stating that a normal morning for her did not start out with a smile.

I love honest people!

Her husband left at six, she stayed in bed until a friend showed up at seven.

As soon as that front door opened she knew that her friend would soon be in to give her a bath, dress her, brush her teeth, comb her hair, feed her....

Can you IMAGINE???

I wouldn't feel like having a smile on my face, either. In fact, there are many moments I don't feel like having a smile on my face, and I can still do all of the above.

She said she makes a choice. She reviews what she knows about her Lord. How He has promised her eternal life, that she can trust Him, that He knows the plans He has for her, that He promises to be with her every moment of everyday, giving her strength to face the trials in her day.... and by the time her friend comes into her room she is ready to greet her with a smile.

A smile borrowed from Jesus.

The last few days (ok, longer than that) I haven't felt like smiling. Sometimes it is just tough.

Easter Candy was very tempting, ( just a side note. Easter candy is the most tempting candy, bar none. Valentines day and Christmas don't even hold a candle to it. Why is that?) my lung was hurting, I often felt like I was hitting a wall of tiredness that I couldn't avoid.... and on and on.... :-)

This morning I read His promises, especially my favorite, "As for God....His way is perfect."

And you know what?

There was a smile on my face.

It wasn't my own, and I'm glad that where it came from is an endless supply.

My smile today was straight from Jesus.

Hold on TIGHT!

We went to visit the Dam because rumor had it that the water was high. As we drove up the first words out of my mouth were,


"You have to hold either Mommy's or Grandma's hand!"


The water was high, and fast, and scary, and made Mommy nervous.


But I wanted the girls to see it in its angry state, so we got out of the car and I braved my fears.


See my arm? I didn't let go of her even to take a picture.

Yes, I know there are fences.


Yes I know they are solid, well sort of solid. Is that little bit of wire really enough to keep them from falling in?


It still made me feel much safer to have my little one firmly by the hand.
See it behind us? I still get the heebie jeebies thinking about it roaring out of the opening.


And on the other side, the lake side, there was a whirlpool dragging all the water into the dam.


See.... heebie jeebies! My imagination is too active. Getting sucked down the horrible black hole, helplessly screaming as you disappear... and that is about where it ends, because if you look at the water on the other side you know no one would survive.


Ok, enough of my weird and odd imaginings.


Karis doesn't like the confinement of having an adult hold on to her, can you tell from the above picture? Someday this precious child of mine will learn to sit still.



Don't you think this little fence may be not quite enough protection from the raging waters? It may be just my crazy imagination getting the better of me, but really.... you have this huge, massive body of water pouring out and a tiny little fence... I'm thinking wrought iron with chain link and possibly some wood thrown in, or maybe concrete with windows....
If you look closely you will see the jelly on her face that somehow magically appeared there two minutes before we walked out the door. I know this because three minutes before we walked out I did a face check and all was clear. Sneaky, sneaky, sneaky!
This is Karis. No picture could capture her better. Running pell mell down a steep hill, full speed ahead, big smile on her face. Heaven help her. See why I pray for God to protect her as only He can every single night? The little bugger wonders why she has so many bruises all over her legs. I'll show her this picture the next time she asks.


The highlight of the day? Watching their delighted faces as the raging water splashed their faces.


Oh, that and the fact that we were all still alive and the whirl pool didn't suck us all to our watery graves! :-)


No wonder I can't watch scary movies.