Saturday, January 1, 2011

Good intentions

All my Christmas pictures were already supposed to be posted.

I had a couple of ideas I wanted to blog about.

And if we aren't talking about blogging, I had a few Christmas presents to finish for tomorrow.

Because I know you care, and because I know you pray for me, I'll tell you why I have been silent for the last few days.

My body reacted yet again to a drug.

I've taken Ibuprofen over the years with no adverse affects.

It appears that has changed.

I don't take it often. Usually just if I have a tired headache.

I did notice the last couple times I had it my heart raced for several minutes, but I really didn't think about it too hard.

Three nights ago I took several because I had a tired headache and just wanted to sleep.

I woke up to a racing heart, yet again, and noticed my breathing was bad.

Sure enough, I started coughing up blood - again.

What is it with me and pain medication? Apparently even the stuff you take for headaches now.

I'm getting good at weeding out possible things I could react to, and there is nothing I'm taking that could have done it except my ibuprofen.

Would you just pray I have no need for any pain meds? I'm a little scared of taking anything right now because the reaction takes days to recover from.

Days where I really can't do anything.

I have so little energy that it is a struggle to turn on a tea pot, let alone get two girls out the door.

When I woke up to the breathing difficulty, as well as coughing up blood, I had a bit of a breakdown.

My grandma has a precious friend who was just diagnosed with liver cancer and given four months to live.

My heart aches for her, but you know what?

That morning, three days ago, I was jealous.

Dustin held me as I cried and told him that she was lucky. She loves Jesus, she has nothing to be afraid of when dying, and in four months she will be with Him. No pain, no more wondering, just heaven forever.

Please don't be horrified. Just last night I was crying because I don't want to die, go figure. :-)

I don't have the slightest bit of a death wish, it's just that cancer can be so stinkin hard to deal with some days.

Dustin was talking with a man from our church whom we highly respect. He reminded Dustin of Job (not that I can compare my life to Job's. I still have my kids, my house, no boils all over my skin) and how Job said at the end that He just wanted to have it all over with, why keep on living in such misery.

It relieved me to know that I'm not some horrible awful person to think that on occasion.

The biggest part of me wants to fight this and win. My precious husband has been reading sections of Scripture on courage.

I so need courage right now.

I was reminded of Joshua and how the Israelites conquered Jericho. Joshua was told to "Be strong, be of good courage, wait on the Lord." Several times, I might add. He might have needed it as much as I do. :-) Joshua 1:1-9 Great verses in case you need to be reminded to have a little courage.

Last night it was the book of Daniel and the fiery furnace. I needed to be reminded that I can trust God no matter what is going on. Even if a fiery furnace seems to be waiting in my future. He is there with me.

I praise the Lord for a husband who is willing to remind me who my God is. That I may want to be in Heaven with Him where there is no more tears, no more pain, but He isn't just in Heaven. He is here right now, with me, facing whatever I'm going through.

And today I do feel better.

I can breath well again.

My lung is calming down.

I don't have to fear that it was my lung getting worse - it was just another allergic reaction. When you look at it in that light it seems like a blessing.

So.... there you have it. My last few days.

They haven't been fun, but they have taught me yet again that God is big enough to handle everything.

Love you guys!

Thanks for praying!

1 comment:

MommaMindy said...

missing you.