Thursday, June 10, 2010

The way my mind works.

A few nights ago I was watching Bones.

They were trying to solve a case where someones bones had been used in multiple grafts.

The problem with these bones was that the person who owned them had died of a cancer that had spread to all of the bones.

The recipients of them were contracting the same form of cancer, some dying of it.

Someone made a huge mistake that time.

Wonder if it happens in real life?

Why this was on my mind this morning, I don't know, but as I got to the grocery store and started to get out of my car I was struck with a thought.

I just checked the little "yes" box the last time I got my license. It took me that long to be able to be ok with the fact that they would take certain parts of me and give them to someone else if something unforeseen should happen.

As a side note, I really feel like that is a big decision to make at the DOT.

Think about it.

You stand there, answering all these boring questions about you, and then all of a sudden you get hit with the bombshell.

Do you want to give your heart or liver away, maybe an eyeball or two, possibly a set of lungs, and whatever else that can be transferred to another person?

I don't know about you, but this happens to me every time.

I freeze.

Do I?

Then I realize about 30 people are in line behind me.

Waiting.

They don't care what decision I make, really, they just want to get on with their day.

Seriously, they should be a little patient with me. What if one of them were the ones who might get one of my organs if they would just give me time to think. Honestly people! Although I know I've been one of the impatient ones. I'll try to be more understanding next time. After all, they could be making a big decision like me, or... they could have forgotten their address. :-)

I don't break out in a sweat, or anything, but I do get a tad bit warm.

I tell myself they don't rush my death, just because I check the box.

But what if?

I know it's the movies, but that niggling doubt that they might hurry my demise along just a little to get the aforesaid lung or eyeball is still there.

See.... this decision should be made in a nice quiet place. No pressure. A nice environment. Does it really have to be on your license?


Good thing I don't have to renew for another few years. I don't think I could handle it every few months.

Though, actually, my picture is horrible.

I hate it every time I have to pull it out.

My face looks round and fat.

My hair awful.

Seriously. It is a drivers license picture that lives up to it's name.

I may stand in line just to get another one.

How sad is that. Vanity, vanity.

Maybe I'll lose it on purpose.

How come when Gabi goes through my purse she manages to lose my debit card and library card, but not the card I really want to lose? We will have to work on that one.

And because she lost my debit card, I have to write checks. When you write checks you have to show your license. Ugg.. I may be at the DOT tomorrow!

But, back to my topic.

I made that big step.

I overcame my fear of giving my innards away if the need should so arise.

And???

I get to keep everything anyway. :-) Funny how that all works out.

It made me a little sad.

I probably would have never donated any part, but just the fact that my body isn't healthy enough to give parts of it to anyone else is sad to me.

Another reality of being a little sick that I had never thought about before now.

All these thoughts while I walked through the parking lot and into our store. Makes me wonder what everyone else is thinking as they buy dish soap and trash bags. I'd love to know.

And that is a glimpse of what's gone on in a portion of my mind today.

I'd better be careful what I watch or who knows what else will go on in there. :-)

Thanks for listening to me ramble.

2 comments:

heartmomma said...

Ah Becca, I get it. I believe Josiah and I had similar thoughts and a conversation about his organs. It's just one more aspect. And I have often wondered what other people are thinking about in the grocery store. Everyone looks so normal, but I always wonder what they really have going on in their lives and if they wonder the same thing about me. Funny how our brains work!

Sending love from down the street :)
Jess

jess said...

If only they could give your heart and compassion and love for the Lord and listening ear and discernment and patience and maybe even that zany head of curls on your head... Now those would be blessed recipients and changed lives!