Or maybe do something productive like clean my house.
But my house overwhelms me.
As do the cockroaches that I think have infested it.
I say I think because I don't know absolutely for positively certain.
But I have a sneaking suspicion.
But back to the overwhelming part.
I did clean my room which is where I saw our third roach in a month last night.
I was watching t.v. when out of the corner of my eye something black moved on our closet door. My heart sank when I realized it wasn't a spider but a roach. Never thought I'd be rejoicing over the sight of a spider over a roach, but I currently do.
Anyway, I should have grabbed a shoe and killed it, but I ran for the Raid. It took a moment to find it, because you know the current sate of my house, obviously, we have roaches.
Anyway, I run back with the can and the thing is gone.
I look desperately around for a flashlight before I find it exactly where it is supposed to be, much to my surprise.
I felt like an agent, a very scared and shaky agent, as I held my can of raid and peered into the crack on the folding closet door with the help of my mag light. Finally I saw the creepy crawly bugger and I let that can of raid loose on it.
I couldn't tell if I got it or not, or if raid even kills roaches. And I was too creeped out to look.
Isn't it ironic? A roach can't hurt me. I could smash it easily. With my bare hands. So why does it incite such terror in me? Why does the thought of one crawling on me absolutely repulse me?
I went down and googled roach infestations. While I think we may be on the way towards one, I think it is in the early stages. Which is why when Dustin came home I freaked out and demanded we clean EVERYTHING that night.
I stormed around the kitchen, while Dustin quietly helped me, all the time I'm asking God why? You would think I would have gotten this upset when they told me I had cancer, the incurable kind.
But no, it took roaches to make it happen. I was asking God why. Why did we have to have roaches on top of everything else? Wasn't it enough that I'm dealing with my lung, and my kids, and starting to clean up my house, and cooking again? Did I really have to have the extra gross out factor of roaches in my home? Talk about making me feel like a complete failure. I don't know about you, but having roaches makes me feel like worst housewife of the year.
I always wonder what God thinks when I'm as foolish as I was last night. Here I am, sobbing because my husband told me to leave the cleaning for the morning, I was exhausted and needed sleep, and the roach in my room was dead, so I didn't have to worry about it. Yes, Raid works very well.
If you could have seen me, you would have agreed with Dustin. It really is a pitiful sight when you are brushing your teeth, crying, and trying not to cough.
All over a silly cockroach.
This morning my outlook was a tad brighter.
I'm still overwhelmed, but I'm realizing that somehow it will all work out.
My disorganized piles will go away - not as quickly as I would like, but they will go away.
The cockroaches will die. I'm armed and dangerous with ideas, now. It will just take a bit to execute all of them. But I'm giving the roaches the waring now. Move out or you will be killed.
My favorite verse works in this situation as well as a health crisis.
"As for God, His way is perfect."
I'm not sure how cockroaches fit into that perfect plan, but they do.
It will, however, be a question I ask Him when I get to heaven. :-)