A lil' bit 'bout me :-)

I don't really like talking about me.

It gets a little bit uncomfortable at times, and often I feel like I'm monopolizing the conversation talking about my health.

If you have ever felt like that, I apologize.

But I also realize that you are praying for me and need to be updated, so here is a little update.

Since I've seen my nutritionist my wheeze has disappeared almost completely. Seriously. I've only heard it once or twice in the last three months. And when I heard it, I told it that it was really a pitiful excuse for a wheeze and should just disappear altogether. I think it might have listened because it hasn't dared show its wheezy little head since, but it can be a bit sneaky, so I'll let you know.

Since I've seen the chiropractor in Chicago I haven't been coughing up any blood.

That is a tidbit I didn't share with you.

The fact that I have coughed up blood.

You see, to me, coughing up blood is like sounding a death knell .

You know you are sick when you cough and there is blood in the mucus that comes up.

It's in all the movies, after all. And movies are always right!

At first it was just a tiny little bit. Less than a pencil eraser size.

A few times I coughed up quarter sized blood and mucus.

I about freaked out, but not quite. Well maybe a little bit....

The doctors said there wasn't much I could do about it.

My nutritionist said it was to be expected with a tumor in your lung.

My chiropractor wasn't even phased. He just said it was normal, as well.

And now, the problem is over and done with. Where it went, I don't know, but it is gone!

I still cough up mucus (sorry to gross you out with all this) because my chiropractor is inhumane and forces me to do a nebulizer with a solution that causes me to not only cough, but cough until I have tears coming out of my eyes. :-)

Doesn't that sound inhumane?

I know!

And I've become a spitter. Do you realize that I have had to stop the car, open the door and spit out what I've coughed up?

I have never been a spitter!

Never!

And, I must say, I'm not very good at it.

My admiration has gone way up for those who spit so far and accurately.

I never can seem to get it all out in one clean wad.

The last kind of drools out and I have to wipe it off.

It really is kind of humiliating not to be able to spit well.

Maybe I should work on it, but by the time I get good I probably won't need the skill anymore.

Ok, off that rabbit trail and back to what this is about. ( But aren't you so glad I digressed a bit so you could know this wonderful fact about me? )

Why he is making me cough up mucus, thus making me spit.

Who cares that he has this logical explanation that when the growth shrinks and dies I need to help get it out of there by coughing.

At least the coughing doesn't hurt. I can just get a lot of sympathy because of the tears it produces!

But, I feel great!

Not a 100%, but a lot better than the 30% I was feeling. I'd say I'm probably about at an 85%, which is HUGE for me.

I'm still cautiously optimistic, even though this feeling has now gone on for about a month now. I've felt good before and it somehow slips away from me.

The good chiropractor did restrict my diet a tad bit more. I'm not allowed to have fatty foods for a little bit.

Like no beef or pork, or avocados. Fried food, etc.

For a girl who has never gone on a diet in her life, not that I couldn't have used one on occasion, this is an eye opening experience.

I've decided that I don't much like them.

Thankfully this low fat diet, which is so my liver doesn't have to process all the fats and can work on healing itself of the growths that are on it, doesn't have to last that long.

However, I have this sneaking suspicion that a healthy diet is going to have to last forever.

There are days I really don't like that fact, but most of the time I don't mind. I honestly feel so much better when I eat my vegetables and avoid the icky processed foods.

Not that those processed foods haven't called my name on occasion.

Who knew that your mom was right when she told you you needed to eat your vegetables to grow healthy and strong?

We really should listen to our moms. It would save us a lot of trouble in the long run. Like tumors in the lung, for example. :-)

More Gabi!

My baby loves to eat. Thankfully her mom is on a veggie, fruit, bean, etc., diet, so this little piggy isn't at all fat, but lets just say I think she could be if I had around what I would like to have around on certain days. :-) Ice cream, nutty bars, chocolate covered granola bars.... mmmmm..... as I munch on a carrot!

Don't get me wrong, I am not always good. I have cheated a few times since I've added fruit and cheese back into my diet. Not often, but yes, ice cream has found it's way into my mouth a few times.

Not exactly sure how..... :-)

I was forced, that's it. Some random stranger came up and threatened me with my life if I didn't eat the yummy, creamy, delicious....

I mean, ice cream or my life? There was no question, I ate the ice cream.

Wish I could blame it on something like that.

Nope, it was just a moment of weakness.

Most of the time my snack is something healthy... and non sugar, but mmmmmm........ ice cream is so very good! It was worth it.

This wasn't meant to be a confessional, this was about Gabi. So back to that little kumquat.

I'm not sure why I call her that, in case you are wondering. I like how it rolls off the tongue, and since I don't have any reason to say kumquat in my daily life I have created one. :-)

So, since the girls often have had to feed themselves over the past few months, I sometimes find them into something they shouldn't be.

Particularly my kumquat.

While in Chicago I rounded the kitchen corner to find the fridge ajar.

Strawberries are a favorite of all of ours, except Dustin. If they are in the fridge they will disappear. Gabi was just helping them disappear a little faster than normal. :-)

Below is a very excited little girl. She discovered the rest of the chocolate pie up in the kitchen and happily finished it up for us while we chatted downstairs. She reminds me every night before she goes to bed that she is going to have a ballerina cake for her birthday in October. She gets this very look on her face when she talks about it. The color changes. Sometimes blue, sometimes pink, but always ballerina. So much for doing a cute cupcake caterpillar cake.... I had such dreams. :-)

Gabiisms

My baby is growing up.

She talks.

She runs around singing Jesus Loves Me at the top of her lungs. That and Twinkle Twinkle Little Star.

We have to sing those both to her before she will even consider going to sleep.

The other day I strapped her into her car seat and then hopped into the drivers seat. We were off to meet Dustin and Karis. Her little voice sings out,

"I'm ready to roll, Mom!"

What? Where do they even hear these things?

Today she turned around on the bar stool, looked at me with her big blue eyes and super wide smile, and says,

"You the best mom I ever seen!"

I melted into a gooey puddle right then and there.

She loves to follow those declarations by running towards you and resting her precious little cheek on your hand.

Her favorite possession is her blanky, and you know what? I'm not going to try and take that away. For all I care she can take it with her when she is married! Let her husband deal with that one. :-)

I know she says a bunch of other precious things, but it's late and my brain is currently blank on them. I'm sure I'll be sharing more in the future.

I'm just glad that in her little eyes I'm still the best mom ever, even with all the craziness that has gone on during her little life.

God is so good! His mercies are new every morning! And He gives little ones short memories on the bad, lots of forgiveness, and a bunch of love to pass around.

It happened!

She really has stopped sucking her thumb.

I almost don't believe it even as I am typing this out.

But... it's true, and I will highly recommend the Handaid "glove" to anyone who needs to get their child to stop.

It was painless for Karis, who only said she missed her thumb a handful of times.

It was painless for us. I never had to remind her to get her thumb out of her mouth.

It was painless for her hand. No chafing, and she could do everything she wanted to.

And last monday was the payoff. We all got to go to Chuck E Cheese, even Daddy.

This was probably her favorite ride. When asked why, "Because I always win, Mommy!"
Gabi's look of concentration as she rode the horse.

Everyone had a lot of fun, I would say. I even have some tokens left over for next time. We may have to take some of the aunties back this summer. Hummm.... what can it be a reward for this time?

Maybe the nailbiting that has taken the place of the thumbsucking.

Parenting never lets up, does it. :-) Always something to think about.

Much better!

Gabi is sleeping. I never did figure out what was wrong. I have a suspicion that maybe she was getting the last of her two year molars in??? It's just a suspicion.

But we all sleep better, now. As a result, we all feel better as well. :-)

A baby update. Sullivan can gain weight, just needs to learn to drink out of a bottle or a sippy cup. You can check out more of that story at jessrivers.blogspot.com. Pray he learns the art of the bottle or sippy cup so he doesn't have to have a feeding tube.

I feel great! Except for, what I have another sneaking suspicion may be, a cracked rib. But, I'm not going to complain because my lung doesn't hurt and the right side of my head is pain free. And I have energy. Granted, that energy might be a bit hampered by my rib, but still, it is energy! That is such a praise.

A little perspective.

See this precious little girl? This little squirt has kept me up every fifteen minutes to half hour the last two nights. I can't figure it out. She has a slight cold, but that is all. I was tempted to drug her, just to get a few hours of sleep. I didn't, cause I couldn't justify it. No fever, no throwing up, nothing but a little stuffy nose that isn't really stuffy. I did buy some natural sleep aid for kids, though, and am planning on giving it to her quite often tonight before she goes to bed.

Dustin and I went out on a date for Mother's Day. Super yummy food and the movie Date Night. I'm saying this because it is about a couple who has been married awhile with two kids. They have a comfortable and sometimes boring routine date night. It is all switched up when they take another couple's identity and face a crisis together. Anyway, in the midst of the crisis he asks her if she ever has a fantasy about having an affair. She looks at him and says, "Honey, I'm too tired to even think of an affair. My fantasy is going to an EMPTY hotel room, all by myself, sipping a diet coke and savoring the silence with nobody needing anything."

I thought of that this morning and informed Dustin if I was ever missing he didn't need to worry about an affair, he would find me blissfully alone in a hotel room, sleeping. Pretty wild, eh?

Anyway, all that to say while it has been frustrating, as I need my sleep to survive a day, any temptation to complain went out the window when Jess called me this afternoon.

She was on the way to the hospital to admit her seven month old, Sullivan, for a few days.
Remember this adorable little guy? He had his routine check up today and the doctor just wasn't happy with his weight gain. It has been a struggle the past few months, but only something they have been carefully watching. Now Mama and baby are at the hospital.

My heart aches for Jess as he is having a feeding tube put down his little throat and having to have his hands taped down so he doesn't rip it out. He loves his fingers, too. This is all so they can do some tests to see why he isn't gaining weight.

Pray for them when you think of it. Tests are bad enough when they are being done to your own person, or another adult who understands, but your baby? I'll keep you posted, but I'm hoping they can figure out once and for all what the problem is, hopefully something simple.

And tonight, if my baby keeps me awake, I'm going to try and remember that a little loss of sleep is something fairly easy to deal with. But, if you happen to think of it, pray she quits waking herself up! It would be a blessing. :-)

If I don't blog right now...

I'll probably eat a big bowl of chocolate ice cream.

Or maybe do something productive like clean my house.

But my house overwhelms me.

As do the cockroaches that I think have infested it.

I say I think because I don't know absolutely for positively certain.

But I have a sneaking suspicion.

But back to the overwhelming part.

I did clean my room which is where I saw our third roach in a month last night.

I was watching t.v. when out of the corner of my eye something black moved on our closet door. My heart sank when I realized it wasn't a spider but a roach. Never thought I'd be rejoicing over the sight of a spider over a roach, but I currently do.

Anyway, I should have grabbed a shoe and killed it, but I ran for the Raid. It took a moment to find it, because you know the current sate of my house, obviously, we have roaches.

Anyway, I run back with the can and the thing is gone.

I look desperately around for a flashlight before I find it exactly where it is supposed to be, much to my surprise.

I felt like an agent, a very scared and shaky agent, as I held my can of raid and peered into the crack on the folding closet door with the help of my mag light. Finally I saw the creepy crawly bugger and I let that can of raid loose on it.

I couldn't tell if I got it or not, or if raid even kills roaches. And I was too creeped out to look.

Isn't it ironic? A roach can't hurt me. I could smash it easily. With my bare hands. So why does it incite such terror in me? Why does the thought of one crawling on me absolutely repulse me?

I went down and googled roach infestations. While I think we may be on the way towards one, I think it is in the early stages. Which is why when Dustin came home I freaked out and demanded we clean EVERYTHING that night.

I stormed around the kitchen, while Dustin quietly helped me, all the time I'm asking God why? You would think I would have gotten this upset when they told me I had cancer, the incurable kind.

But no, it took roaches to make it happen. I was asking God why. Why did we have to have roaches on top of everything else? Wasn't it enough that I'm dealing with my lung, and my kids, and starting to clean up my house, and cooking again? Did I really have to have the extra gross out factor of roaches in my home? Talk about making me feel like a complete failure. I don't know about you, but having roaches makes me feel like worst housewife of the year.

I always wonder what God thinks when I'm as foolish as I was last night. Here I am, sobbing because my husband told me to leave the cleaning for the morning, I was exhausted and needed sleep, and the roach in my room was dead, so I didn't have to worry about it. Yes, Raid works very well.

If you could have seen me, you would have agreed with Dustin. It really is a pitiful sight when you are brushing your teeth, crying, and trying not to cough.

All over a silly cockroach.

This morning my outlook was a tad brighter.

I'm still overwhelmed, but I'm realizing that somehow it will all work out.

My disorganized piles will go away - not as quickly as I would like, but they will go away.

The cockroaches will die. I'm armed and dangerous with ideas, now. It will just take a bit to execute all of them. But I'm giving the roaches the waring now. Move out or you will be killed.

My favorite verse works in this situation as well as a health crisis.

"As for God, His way is perfect."

I'm not sure how cockroaches fit into that perfect plan, but they do.

It will, however, be a question I ask Him when I get to heaven. :-)