Not where I thought I'd be

Last Monday the last thing on my mind was spending a week in the hospital.

My shoulder had been in a lot of pain, and I couldn't deny that I had taken too many pain meds.

Not too many according to my prescription, but too many for my body.

Monday I paid for it.

My tummy was nauseous refusing any form of food or liquid.

By midnight I started throwing up and when it didn't look as if I was going to feel better anytime soon mom decided a trip to the Emergency Room was in order.

It was a miserable ride there and all through check in, but the nurses were so kind, and the doctor made sure I didn't have to wait long to get an i.v. going as well as some pain meds.

You see.... yet another pair of shoes I have gotten to try out. Addiction to pain meds - or rather identifying with an addiction to anything.

Not only was I weak from dehydration, but my body was going through withdrawal from my meds.

Finally I started to feel better (sweet relief), but they wanted to admit me for 24 hours of observation.

It took a bit to get settled, and by the time I saw my oncologist, I think I was almost relieved when he said they were going to keep me until the end of the week - a little shocked about the length, but everything had felt so rushed and crazy that I knew I wouldn't be able to handle going home yet.

His reason was just for observation to make sure we got the pain meds regulated and my electrolytes back up to where there were supposed to be.

I've never been in the hospital this long before and am discovering new things all the time.

For one, it really is nice to have everything at the push of a button. :-) The nurses are great here, and I haven't run into a grumpy one yet. (Watch, I'll get one tonight)

I have such a close relationship with my i.v. pole that I named him Fred. Fred is rather jealous of anyone else in my life and has to keep watch wherever I go - I mean wherever. My admiration for those who can steer a wheel chair and an i.v. pole at the same time has skyrocketed. These people are good! I have difficulty walking it down the hall by myself. In fact, I've given up after I almost tipped it and it has become the job of whoever is currently staying with me in the hospital. Someday soon I'm going to get rid of Him, believe me. He has helped cut down on the pain meds, though, so for this I am grateful.

The doctor put me back on "real" food again today, and as I am able to keep it down, I should be going home tomorrow.

For now I'm grateful that the reason I was in here was because of pain meds and dehydration - though serious, treatable.

It has been a little scary to spend the week on the cancer floor. Visitors get into the elevator and see "oncology" listed as the floor with my room on it.

I've had to talk to counselors about who will make decisions for me if it ever comes to a point where I can't - get a living will figured out - what I'm planning on doing to create memories for my girls if it ever comes to the point where I do have to leave them. That makes for some tearful conversations, let me tell you.

Tearful, but needed and good.

I'm planning on writing them each a birthday card until they are 21. I'm also planning on delivering each one of those myself. :-)

However, my plans are not Gods, so we will see if we are on the same page with this one.

There are a few other ideas, as well, such as giving them dating advice. You see... if they get it solely from their father they won't be dating, much less getting married until they are 45.

Though my week has been completely unexpected, I can see how the Lord planned it all out.

Things I needed done medically before I could go out to Colorado, and would have been complicated to do had I been out of the hospital, have been made easy by being admitted. Because of this we are able to go out a couple of weeks earlier than planned and I am excited.

Once again I have no idea where God is headed with all of this, but I'm choosing to trust.

We are following the direction He, as far as we can tell, is leading us. Where that will take us we will hopefully soon find out. I know I'm curious - especially about the new naturopath in Colorado.

A shout out of thanks to all my family and friends who are showing their support.

I love that it has been a tradition in my family to never leave a person alone in the hospital. I've observed this growing up with my Grandpa being there often.

Now that I am the recipient, I am so grateful.

It may be that they are just there to get that glass of ice for you, but they are there. And there is nothing like waking up in the night and knowing your mom is next to you on the cot.

And not having to worry about home and kids because of husband, sisters, and friends is amazing.

God is good! So many, many blessings in the midst of this storm of mine!

I love you all, and pray, pray, pray for wisdom in my treatment out in Co.

I will try to blog as I go because I know you are just as curious as me what is going to happen.

Well.... maybe not just as curious...

Loves!

Becca