Today...

1. I slept from 9:30pm to 5:00am last night. I did have one interruption at 12:30 when a little girl came in and said "I'm sorry Mom, but I need some more water."

I got the water and fell blissfully back to sleep.

Not sure exactly what the doc did in his adjustments and new pills this time but whatever it was I want some more of it please. :-)


2. I have this picture in my head of dying cancer.

Have you seen those mucus commercials? The ones where the green blobs make a home in your lungs?

That is what I am picturing. Only since it is dying I'm picturing it black and shriveling up.

Wish I could just cough it up as easily as in the commercial.

Doc said it will either come up in a chunk, with a gagging sensation, or just dissolve. Fun, huh?:-)

The chunk would be quicker, however.... the tumor is only a little over an inch, so even the dissolve part shouldn't be too hard.


3. About that "inch."

In my head I've known this tumor is 3cm.

I know that is pretty small, but...

How can a tumor that is only a little over an inch cause so many problems?

Ugghh..... Go away you nasty little tumor.

Be GONE, I say!

I've had enough of a little squirt like you calling the shots!

4. I'm so curious to have my next MRI.

Curious, but scared.

What if the cancer isn't dying? What if my feeling better in my lung is all in my head?

What if doc doesn't know what he is talking about?

I'll have to face it soon, I can't go any longer than the end of Feb. middle of March. My oncologist will get antsy. :-)


5. Most of all I want to put on the weight before I have to get on a doctors scale.

That's what I'm most scared of.

Silly, isn't it?

I just don't want to be yelled at by my doctor.

He won't yell at me, I know. But he will look at me and I'll squirm.

I'll squirm and make excuses, and tell him that I am working on it.

I have these conversations in my head.

And because of these conversations I avoid MRI's. :-)

I may need my head examined next.



6. I have no joint pain today.

I'm celebrating that.

Waking up feeling normal was absolutely amazing.

God knew I needed a day like today and a sleep like last night. It gives me hope that normal is around the corner.


7. Love you all!