Four things

1. Yesterday I drove to my oncology appointment with two empty car seats.

My aunt was watching the girls so I could concentrate on the words of my doctor and not on those Tinkerbell stickers and potty breaks.

I pulled into the parking garage and it was packed, as usual. A reminder that there are a lot of very sick people out there. Which makes me sad.

I was afraid that I would have to drive all the way to the top when I spotted an opening close to the front.

Then I noticed that they were reserved.

I've never qualified for the reserved before, except for the expecting mothers one which only seem to be open when I don't show at all:-), so I almost drove past this one when the words registered.

"Reserved for cancer patients"

I still don't think of myself as a cancer patient.

But you know what? An open parking spot is an open parking spot. And if I have to admit that I have something serious wrong with me to get it, I guess I can do that.

Hopefully I won't qualify for that spot for much longer. It's one that I would happily relinquish and walk from the top of the parking garage.

2. My second oncology visit was a little better than the first.

I have discovered a trick for getting right into an appointment.

A project.

I actually needed extra time to address envelopes, etc. When I arrived fifteen minutes early I was thrilled. My projects would get done.

The envelopes got pulled out, one addressed, and I got called back to get some blood drawn. (14 minutes early)

I pulled out another one and I almost finished it when the nurse called me.

I weighed in, was deposited into my room, and once again pulled out my envelopes.

I think I got two addressed and stuffed when my doctor walked in. (12 minutes early)

See? I've done this once before and it worked the same way.

If you bring nothing to do you wait forever. :-) I'm convinced it must be written into the waiting room rules.

3. I haven't had another scan done, so my visit was mostly more information about what I have and a report on what the cancer board has said about my case.

I still am not sure exactly who is on the cancer board, just various specialists from all over.

It makes me feel a little strange to know that a bunch of doctors from all over are looking at all my information and discussing my case.

Without even seeing me or knowing how I tick they are discussing what should be done. Not that there is anything wrong with that, it's just weird.

Some say cut out the right lung.

Others say lazar the lesions on my liver.

My doctor (and can I just say I praise God for giving me Dr. Lair? I do!) looked at me after explaining my options and said,

"You are actually doing very well for someone with Carcinoid. Often people who have it

(not to gross you out) have the runs 30-40 times a day."

Ok, yes, I'm doing very well. You couldn't leave the house! Or the bathroom!

He is not convinced that the spots on my liver are carcinoid. They very well could be, but they have to see if they grow or not.

Basically it is a waiting game. Being too aggressive, as in removing lung and spots on liver, could, according to him, cause me to have more problems then I currently have. He doesn't want to stick his head in the sand and ignore my problems, but he doesn't want to do too much and cause my body more trauma than necessary if it isn't going to help in the long run.

I was waiting for him to say I had heard him wrong and chemo and radiation were an option.

They still aren't.

And the shot, Ostreotide, is only effective for 20% of those who get it, I found out.

I told him about my chiropractor and what I'm taking, also the results I'm getting.

I always get a little nervous when I tell my doctors I'm doing other things besides the normal medical route, but I guess in this case he is probably glad I'm doing something else since there is nothing at the moment for them to do but wait and watch.

4. Yesterday made me wonder how many, many others sit there and hear the same thing.

What are the thoughts that run through there minds?

How hopeless do some feel who have a far more aggressive disease than I have?

How would I feel if God hadn't graciously directed me to alternatives?

The thought of the pain, coughing up blood, and lack of energy make me grateful.

Grateful I have something that is able to be helped somewhat by what my nutritionist and chiropractor are doing.

"Some trust in chariots and some in horses, but I will trust in the Name of the Lord my God." Psalm 20:7

I'm not sure what the outcome of this will be, but His Name is to be trusted. I'm fighting this, but God knows my outcome and I will trust Him for it. :-) I'm in good hands, and He has proven Himself faithful in every way so far by giving me the doctors He has and the people He has placed around me.

Next time I'll tell you about how I ran away for the weekend! :-) It's much better than an oncology visit, I promise!