Figuring out blogging and being at my parents is a challenge.

Everything is going so well up here, though.

The girls are thriving on the stability and so am I.

In the past, Gabi has slept in Faith's bedroom in a pack n' play.

The other night, as she lay there all curled up, she said, "Auntie Faith? Could you stretch this out?"

Poor little thing can't even stretch her legs out in it. :-)

We brought up her crib mattress yesterday and tried an experiment last night.

Not only was she out of her pack n' play, but she and Karis moved into the same room.

It has always been the plan for them to share a room someday, so why not now?

Gabi was thrilled to see her bed ,and it actually went fairly smoothly.

Hopefully tonight will go just as well - they are exhausted - something that usually happens after a day on the farm or with friends.

The results from my blood work are back.

What's the verdict?

I'm a very sick girl. Surprise, surprise. :-)

My mom talked to the naturopath for the most part, but I was able to spend a few minutes so I could get a general idea of who I would be working with.

From our phone conversation I was very impressed.

He was professional, knowledgeable about my problems, and hopeful that by God's grace he will be able to help as long as I have some fight left in me.

I have fight, and a lot worth fighting for.

I have a few weeks to change some of my eating habits (don't worry, nothing that will make me lose even more weight) and then we are headed out to CO on July 6th for a week.

Would you pray that I will be able to prep my body for his treatments?

Pray also that I keep the fight going.

The truth is that it isn't easy on some days.

My muscles can get so sore that it is a challenge to sit up in bed after laying there for awhile. The benefits of those beds that sit up by themselves seem very appealing some days.

God always gives me the strength to get through the day, though, and I'm trusting Him to help me keep plodding along until we discover something that will change the direction I seem to be going.

Overall I am very encouraged by the path we are on and I covet your prayers each step of the way!

Consistency

The girls and I have moved up to my parents for a few weeks.

My parents, Dustin and I all decided it would be for the best.

Between traveling, the days the girls came up here, Dustin's days off where we had the girls, etc., etc.....

My world was too inconsistent and my diet likewise.

So far we have been up here for a week and it has been amazing. I am so very grateful for my parents and sisters for allowing us to invade their territory.

Faith, for example, is sleeping on the couch so Gabi can sleep in her room.

News on the doctor front.

We are waiting to hear back from a naturopath out in Colorado.

I've filled out a form and sent a blood sample.

The blood sample was the hard part.

It required being pricked.

I HATE being pricked.

If I had my choice I'd rather be stuck with a needle any day.

My dad was elected for the task.

Since all any of us had experienced with pricking was one of those handy dandy little machines, we weren't sure what to expect.

I gave my hand over to my dad and looked away.

He braced himself and then jabbed.

I quickly pulled my hand away, sure blood would be spurting.

Not. a. drop.

He reached for my hand again.

Like a baby I pulled it closer, teared up, and said something mature like, "I don't want to be pricked again. I won't do it!"

My poor dad. I knew it was breaking his heart to stick a needle into me in the first place.

Finally I got the bright idea to numb the pain with an ice cube.

I wanted to sit there all night with the cube, but finally I worked up my nerve again and handed my finger over to what felt like the gallows.

Faith, bless her heart, even had her guitar out to sing away my fears.

It took a couple more jabs, but finally that coveted blood appeared.

I desperately squeezed the required drops out, barely making the quota.

Then apologized to my dad for being such a big baby. :-)

All I have to say is that they had better appreciate that blood sample.

It was hard won! :-)

Lately...

I haven't written very much.

I was trying to figure out the whys and wherefores of all of that.

My conclusion is that I have been gone too much.

Visiting this doctor and that dentist.

The travelling and being away from home is a lot for a normal person and it has just been too much for me.

Too much gadding about and not enough rest equals more pain pills.

More pain pills result in me not feeling great in the tummy area which results in not eating enough.

Not eating enough....

Well... we know how bad that is.

I have one more girlfriend trip to MN that I have been looking forward to for a long time.

My prayer request is that I will get plenty of rest and eat a lot.

The eating a lot on a girls trip usually isn't a problem, but getting rest is:-)

I'm excited for it, though.

Also, I'm excited about some of the places God is showing us for my cancer, as well.

Hopefully results will follow, soon. :-)

I have been discouraged, but God has been in this place, as well.

He has met every question I have asked, and told me very firmly not to give up.

To keep praying until there is an answer.

So... I will do just that! :-)

Hopefully I'll be able to put up some fun photos soon!

The tooth

I haven't posted because I've been waiting to download all the beautiful pictures I took.

Something seems to be wrong in that department, so instead of waiting until it works I'll do a quick update.

My tooth.

I still have it.

My visions were going in there, getting the tooth pulled, infections gushing out, my problems slowly slipping away with the infection.

Alas, that was not to be.

I did get the filling in the tooth removed and replaced.

Dr. Yu, my Dr. in St. Louis, sent me up to WI specifically because he thought if the tooth could be saved Dr. Cook, the dentist, could save it.

Well.... Dr. Cook thought there was no reason to pull the tooth and that changing the filling should do the trick. The filling had some toxic metals that were bad for my system in it.

I don't know what to think.

Our plans are to head down to St. Louis to have Dr. Yu check me out again.

I'm consulting with a naturopathic Dr. out in Denver, Co. over the phone and with blood samples for his opinion. And we are looking into the American Cancer Society.

Pray that God will show us what step to take next.

So... there you have it. The update on my tooth. No miraculous recovery yet, but it could help. We will see. :-)

I'm going to be very honest and tell you that my discouragement has reached an all time low. Please specifically pray that I won't give into despair and will cling to the knowledge that my Savior knows exactly what He is doing with me.

I can't back out

It's set in stone.

The die is cast.

I'm going to face my infamous tooth.

Tomorrow a friend from church is going up with me to WI to see the dentist who will tell me my fate.

Will the tooth/teeth be pulled?

What will be found underneath?

I'm not as much afraid for the pulling part as I am for the fact that it might not help at all.

"Wits End Corner" comes to mind again.

We are trying the tooth because everything else seems to be not helping.

I know there is an infection there, it's just the fact that it may not be the cause of my problem.

Would you pray?

Pray hard?

Pray hard that the dentist will know exactly what to do, that it will go smoothly, that it won't be painful?

My appointment is at 7:30 am on Wednesday.

I won't be able to update you until I get home, and I'm not positive when that will be, but I'll try to take some pictures.

Since I've never had my Wisdom teeth pulled I really have nothing to go on, and anything new is a little scary.

Also, that long of a car ride can be hard on me.

I know this, though. God has made it very obvious in various ways that this is what I'm supposed to do.

Since He has done that, I know that He will get me through it.

I love you all! Thanks for walking through this journey with me.

Yesterday

Yesterday was one of those days for me where if I even thought about my life I would cry.

God challenged me that morning when I read "Commit your way to the Lord; trust in Him and He will do this." Ps. 27:5

The literal meaning of that verse is "Roll your way onto Jehovah and trust upon Him, and He works."

I knew He was telling me to Roll my fear and pain and burdens onto Him.

I did.

Many times.

I would mentally push them onto His very capable shoulders.

But then later I would take them back.

I'd think about how nothing seems to be really helping, as far as I can tell.

Then I'd think about how this next Wednesday I have and appointment in WI to look at the infamous tooth.

What if this is the answer?

Will getting it fixed or looked at help?

What if it does nothing?

Then where do we turn?

How are we going to pay for all this dental work?

That has been a question I've wondered since I've heard about my tooth. Dental work is expensive.

Then I'd roll it back onto His shoulders - for the hundredth time.

He is so patient.

And so faithful in encouraging me.

A friend of mine called yesterday and said my nurse practitioner/ midwife has been burdened for me and wondered if it would be OK to contact me.

I gave the OK and shortly afterwards got an email to which I replied right away that I would love to see her and gave a few small details of my life at the moment.

She immediately replied with something I could take for my nausea and is coming to see me on Saturday.

I am so encouraged. This woman is a wealth of knowledge about so very many things and I need a fresh perspective on both medical and natural. Something I know she can supply and will be honest with me.

God knew I needed it.

Then... yesterday my grandma asked me if I had gotten anything in the mail.

As I hadn't, she told me I would be getting a surprise tomorrow.

Thankfully our mail comes early, so as soon as I heard him on our porch I sent Karis out to get it.

My great aunt had sent a very sweet card, but what brought on the tears was the substantial check that fell out of it.

The gift was totally unexpected. She told my grandma that God had been laying me on her heart for the past few days and she felt she needed to do this.

I was overwhelmed. Through them, God had taken care of all my worries about how to pay for the dentist and we thank them from the bottom of our hearts.

Our church family has been so generous as well. Last Sunday my dad was helping direct parking at our church. On our way in, he handed me a visa gift card that someone who wanted to remain unknown had handed him. Once again we were blown away by whoever it was, and their generosity.

God is moving in His own mysterious ways.

They aren't mine.

I'm sure I'm going to be rolling burdens over to him always, but I am so grateful for how He is providing for our needs.

On Monday I pulled a muscle somewhere in my right rib cage.

Since my right shoulder is the one giving me difficulty, this made for a pretty painful situation.

I lay in bed feeling pretty sorry for myself.

Ok, very sorry for myself.

I knew the Rapture wouldn't happen on the 21st because the Bible says you won't know the day or the hour, but right then I really wished he(forget his name)had been right.

Heaven and no pain sounded like a dream come true.

I decided to read out of Streams in the Desert for a bit of encouragement. I needed to do something because even crying hurt my muscles.

And then that made me feel sorry for myself.

What good was having a pity party when you couldn't even cry about it? :-)

This was the verse God gave me.

"They were at their wits' end. Then they cried out to the LORD in their trouble, and he brought them out of their distress." Psalm 107: 27-28

That's where I was at. My wits' end.

A pulled muscle, growths in Lung and Liver, shoulder pain, painful little systs that won't go away, doctors who don't know how to treat me, and now I couldn't even cry about it, because that hurts, too.

I'm just sharing the above so you can get a bit of a picture of how precious this poem was to me when I read it.

Are you standing at "Wits' End Corner,"
Christian with troubled brow?
Are you thinking of what is before you,
And all you are bearing now?
Does the world seem against you,
And you in the battle alone?
Remember---- at Wit's End Corner"
Is just where God's power is shown.

Are you standing at "Wits' End Corner,"
Blinded with wearing pain,
Feeling you cannot endure it,
You cannot bear the strain,
Bruised through the constant suffering,
Dizzy, and dazed, and numb?
Remember---- at "Wits' End Corner"
Is where Jesus loves to come.

Are you standing at "Wits' End Corner"?
Your work before you spread,
All lying begun, unfinished,
And pressing on hear and head,
Longing for strength to do it,
Stretching out trembling hands?
Remember---- at "Wits' End Corner"
The Burden-bearer stands.

Are you standing at "Wits' End Corner"?
Then you're just in the very spot
To learn the wondrous resources
Of Him who fails you not:
No doubt to a brighter pathway
Your footsteps will soon be moved,
But only at "Wits' End Corner"
Is the "God who is able" proved.

Antoinette Wilson

Then I cried, even though it hurt.

I was there.

At Wits' End Corner.

And God was there.

He continues to show me over and over again.

Last night some ladies from a care group at our church brought some freezer meals.

They mentioned they wanted to pray with me, also, something I was excited about.

I didn't know how many to expect and was overwhelmed when about eight ladies came through my door.

These eight ladies took time out of their lives to make a meal for us.

To come pray for me.

To pray for me in their spare time.

Over and over again I hear people telling me - often people I don't even know - how they pray for me every night.

That is so humbling. Have I ever prayed for someone I don't know every night?

In the times I want to give up God always reminds me that not only is He at "Wits' End Corner" with me, my brothers and sisters in Christ are there, too.

You - all of you who are praying - have no idea how much you minister to me.

My muscles are feeling much better, by the way, and I am still in fighting mode!

Loves!